Becoming a mommy worries

Our little girl will be here in no time, approximately 7 weeks to go.  I can’t believe it.   I am very excited but I can’t lie and say that I am not scared shitless at the same time.  I am not scared yet about labor and delivery, but I am scared about not knowing anything about babies.  I was never really around them very much growing up and my nieces and nephews have all been born since I left home.  I see/spoil them just a few times a year if I am lucky.   Plus, due to the infertility, I have successfully avoided all the new moms in our circle.  It was disheartening at every pregnancy announce (as many of you know) and I retreated to protect my heart.

I am scared about how our life will be forever changed.  I am scared about being a single mom 4 nights out of the week while Ben is working.  Even though we have the most amazing friends surrounding us, I am scared that we live 10 hrs from both grandparents and neither of them can come running when I call.  I am scared that I am not emotionally strong enough to be a mommy.  I struggled with the responsibility of being a wife.  I am scared about being able to afford the baby and all that she will need from insurance, daycare, diapers, etc.  (Luckily, do to some awesome friends and family members, I do not think we will every have to worry about her going naked!  Unless, she is a nudist! J)  I am scared that I do not have the natural mommy instinct.

I am sure all new mommies worry about this insecurity too.   I know that it will all work out for the best.  But for right now, I am just scared. 

Song of the Day

Thank heaven for little girls
for little girls get bigger every day!

Thank heaven for little girls
they grow up in the most delightful way!

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin'

Thank heaven for little girls
thank heaven for them all,
no matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?

Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!

 by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe

Cheating

Tonight, we are going to a belly spa to find out the gender of our little baby.  It is not because we cannot wait until July 11.  It is more because Ben's parents are in town and I thought it would be fun to share this with them.  We live 10+ hours from both parents and I am hoping/expecting that my parents will be with us during the delivery, especially my mom.  This way his parents who may/may not be here for the birth can at least have something special with our little one.  But, okay, maybe I am a teeny weeny little bit excited too!

Today is also my mom's birthday.  She doesn't know that we are doing this so I figured it will be a nice little surprise phonecall for her tonight too! 

One of my blog friends found out this week that she lost her baby at 16 weeks.  Please send her your thoughts and prayers at http://hormonacoaster.blogspot.com/.  

Let's talk about sex, baby!

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about all the good things.

And the bad things that may be.

Let's talk about sex.

Let's talk about sex!

-Salt-N-Pepa

I was wondering if anyone else was having difficulty having sex with their significant other.  I would like to preface this post with my husband is super supportive, I am NOT feeling any pressure to have sex or anything of that nature.   Also, I did my best to stay clean and as little TMI as I could. 

I know not everyone gets the pregnancy “sex drive” and I am one of those people.  It is frustrating because our love life has been in the slumps because of the fertility issues.  I was hoping for the crazy pregnancy sex drive to revamp our love life… but I guess I need to work on it. 

Sex is just awkward now. It isn’t that I am scared of hurting the baby (I realize it is 100% safe!)  I just can’t seem to find a comfortable position that does not hurt.  I am a little dry and KY does not seem to help for very long.  It is just painful and awkward. 

I feel bad for the hubby.  He can still find my spot through other means and it feels GREAT!  But I know he is concerned with hurting me during his “time” and not getting to enjoy sex like before the fertility issues yet.  I am also sure he isn’t enjoying “her time, his time” either.  I know I do not like it clearly separated like it is now either. 

Open to suggestions? Positions that have worked for you? Anything?

15 Weeks!

How big is the baby? S/he is somewhere between a naval orange and an apple.

Symptoms: I have good days, almost great days, and then it all crashes down on me and I have a really bad day with vomiting. 

Movement: I feel flutters that could be the baby or might be gas!  I am sure it is a little bit of both. 

Maternity Clothes: A friend just gave me a whole tote full of maternity clothes!  I am wearing my first maternity top today.  I am still wearing a belly band with my pants.

 Sleep: Usually to bed by 9:30 PM.  Still pretty tired at times though.

Best Moment This Week: Ben has been in Canada fishing this last week.  I was so glad for him to be home so I didn’t have to take care of the quail!  While he was gone, we had about 500 hatch!  They are so cute when they are a week old… after that I have no use for them!

Gender: Our 20 week ultrasound is schedule for July 11!!! 5 weeks away!

Food Craving/Aversionss: I had a really bad day with cottage cheese… so that isn’t looking to appetizing to me anymore.

What I am looking forward to: We are having a pig roast on June 16^th.  I am pretty excited for that.  Plus, the in-laws will be here that week.  They will be the first family members to see my bump!

 
Other happenings in Kellyland:

·        I went for my 14 week appointment on Monday.  I was hazed!  I was unable to pee so the nurses made me drink water, and more water to pee before I could leave.  After I was able to leave, I had to pull over and vomit.  It made me so sick!  I felt like a frat boy being hazed!

·        I am doing my best to study for my exam.  Work has been crazy and I am just tired!  

·        I still haven’t announced our pregnancy on Facebook.  Currently, I decided that I am just not going to post it.  I think it is frustrating some people but oh, well.  It is my choice.  I just do not feel like I need to say look at me I am pregnant!  People will find out when they find out. 

Thank you!

I know I do not have many people following me and I am fine with that. I have always been a girl with a small group of close friends. I never needed or wanted to be friends with everyone.

I have also never had good luck with woman friends. I grew up with boys and feel more comfortable around guys. In my experience, girls are catty.

I had a bad experience on one of the baby websites message board today. Where I fully admit I made a mistake, an honest mistake, and was attacked for it. I deleted my original post and added another post with my apology. I hope the women I offended accept my apology.

Having said that ladies that do read my blog thank you, for listening, uderstanding, and mostly not judging or attacking my thoughts/feelings in the comment section. And being patient when I make mistakes on blogspot. Technology is not always my friend.

Thank you again ladies.