So last year this weekend Ben’s parents come
to visit. It was also our 5th
anniversary (June 16th) and during their stay we found out we were
having a little girl. It was a week that
has a special place in my heart.
We went to a baby belly spa to do the
ultrasound rather than wait three more weeks for my doctor’s ultrasound. It wasn’t that we could not wait until then
but Ben’s parents were not going to be coming for the birth so I thought it
would be special to share with them the gender reveal.
We were all in the room when we found out the
baby was a little girl. Ben’s parents
set on a couch across the room from me and Ben stood awkwardly next to me. There was a seat for him but instead he just
stood there. The u/s tech showed the
babies arms, legs, face, and then feet.
When she finally got around to show the
gender, she typed on the screen “I’m a girl.”
Ben’s mom and I first read it.
Then his father read it. And we
all turned to watch Ben’s reaction. I
believe I actually had to tell him that it was a girl (In his defense hw was
watching the baby and the type was hard to see.)
Ben’s reaction – well there wasn’t one. He didn’t say a word. Not one single word. The tech felt bad for me and actually gave us
more pictures then the package we bought allowed for. I really think that it took a couple of days
for Ben to process this.
Let me take a moment and explain Ben. He does not get excited about anything. He is cool, calm, and collected. He only gets emotional after he has been
drinking and it usually involves Captain Morgan and has only happened like 3
times in our 10+ years relationship. He
is a man of little words. But do not let
that fool you – he is very sensitive he just keeps it hidden. He loves me and he loves our daughter with
everything he has.
In my mind I was always concerned about the
bonding experience Ben did not get because we chose to breastfeed. He always told me not to worry about. Ben has always been a great dad. He was very supportive of breastfeeding and
still is even though I am questioning continuing breastfeeding. He says even a little breast milk is better
than nothing.
It turns out
that fathers get many of the same rushes that mothers do from parenthood — but
the payoff depends on proximity and interaction.
I believe the above comment is especially
true after Ben’s lack of a reaction to “It’s a girl!” I saw Ben become a father immediately after
we had her. And every day he became he
grew more into fatherhood.
The article mentioned that by the 4th
month the father has caught up to the mother and I definitely saw that. I had returned to work and Ben was watching
Ava more and more. He was teaching her
things left and right. He is able to
calm her down just as fast if not faster than me.
Finally the last paragraph hit home for
us. It talks about the number of
potential helpers is limited due to “…living in isolated nuclear families,
largely separated from their extended families…” Yes, that just about sums us up to a tee. On a good day before baby and with no
construction we are 10 hours away from both of our families. Our friends are amazing here but that are
just not the same as Poppa & Grandma.
I am looking forward to the future watching
Ben grow more into fatherhood. It will
be exciting to watch him teach her how to fish, how to teach her how to raise
quail from egg to mature bird, and how to pick the right guy (yea, that one
scares me a little bit!)
