Our little girl will be here in no time, approximately 7 weeks to go. I can’t believe it. I am very excited but I can’t lie and say that I am not scared shitless at the same time. I am not scared yet about labor and delivery, but I am scared about not knowing anything about babies. I was never really around them very much growing up and my nieces and nephews have all been born since I left home. I see/spoil them just a few times a year if I am lucky. Plus, due to the infertility, I have successfully avoided all the new moms in our circle. It was disheartening at every pregnancy announce (as many of you know) and I retreated to protect my heart.
I am scared about how our life will be forever changed. I am scared about being a single mom 4 nights out of the week while Ben is working. Even though we have the most amazing friends surrounding us, I am scared that we live 10 hrs from both grandparents and neither of them can come running when I call. I am scared that I am not emotionally strong enough to be a mommy. I struggled with the responsibility of being a wife. I am scared about being able to afford the baby and all that she will need from insurance, daycare, diapers, etc. (Luckily, do to some awesome friends and family members, I do not think we will every have to worry about her going naked! Unless, she is a nudist! J) I am scared that I do not have the natural mommy instinct.
I am sure all new mommies worry about this insecurity too. I know that it will all work out for the best. But for right now, I am just scared.