Our little girl will be here in no time, approximately 7 weeks to go. I can’t believe it. I am very excited but I can’t lie and say that I am not scared shitless at the same time. I am not scared yet about labor and delivery, but I am scared about not knowing anything about babies. I was never really around them very much growing up and my nieces and nephews have all been born since I left home. I see/spoil them just a few times a year if I am lucky. Plus, due to the infertility, I have successfully avoided all the new moms in our circle. It was disheartening at every pregnancy announce (as many of you know) and I retreated to protect my heart.
I am scared about how our life will be forever changed. I am scared about being a single mom 4 nights out of the week while Ben is working. Even though we have the most amazing friends surrounding us, I am scared that we live 10 hrs from both grandparents and neither of them can come running when I call. I am scared that I am not emotionally strong enough to be a mommy. I struggled with the responsibility of being a wife. I am scared about being able to afford the baby and all that she will need from insurance, daycare, diapers, etc. (Luckily, do to some awesome friends and family members, I do not think we will every have to worry about her going naked! Unless, she is a nudist! J) I am scared that I do not have the natural mommy instinct.
I am sure all new mommies worry about this insecurity too. I know that it will all work out for the best. But for right now, I am just scared.
I think that every new mom has her own set of insecurities and fears, many of the same that you do. I'm also worried about the money and how having 2 babies will change our lifestyle, and how I so so so want to enjoy the first 3 months that I have off work with them but I'm afraid it's going to be a whirlwind of a shitstorm!!! You are so very normal for having these feelings, just know that!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jules! I have been keeping up with your blog this whole pregnancy. I am so excited for you and the fact that you are going make it full term with your little guys! I have had open enrollment this month for insurance and it has just been overwhelming. I do not know how people do it. I guess take one day at a time!
DeleteHey, I'm making my blog private (see my latest post for why). If you want to keep reading, email me at heyjbn {at} gmail [dot] com and I'll add you.
DeleteI think how your feeling is completely normal! I'm already feeling overwhelmed and anxious and I still have a ways to go! I think once your little girlie arrives things will fall into place and your role as her mother will come together as well. Good luck with the homestretch!
ReplyDeleteI hadn't babysat or taken care of a kid in 15 years until the day Stella came home from the hospital with us. I was too embarrassed to even tell the nurse I DIDN'T KNOW HOW to change a diaper. I was the oldest of 5 and had grown up doing that... but in 15 years...I'd just forgotten. BUT, you figure it out. You really do. And you have all of us to bounce questions off of when you're feeling lost!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for encouraging me to post again. I still feel like I am somewhat struggling to find my place but I think I am slowly figuring it out.
DeleteYay! PAIL has been super helpful to me (http://pailbloggers.com/about/) -- maybe it will feel like a good fit for you as well?
Delete