Introducing...

Paxton James

Born: November 25 @ 12:31

Stats: 19.5 inches and 7 lbs 8 ounces

We are all madly in love with this little guy! 

#MicroblogMondays - Daddy & Daughter

There is something about this photo that melts my heart.  Ben is tender and loving with her.  I knew he would be but I never quite understand to what level.  They definitely have a special bond that only daddies and daughters can have.
















What is #MicroblogMondays you ask?  Click here to find out!

Rain rain go away!

Every night Ava wants to go outside after dinner.  We usually swing a little, slide a little, and throw dirt/stones into the pond a little but tonight was different.  It was raining.  It was not raining hard enough to stop us from going out but the sprinkle made Ava very upset and she would not leave the comfort of the front steps.  She just sat there pathetic complaining about the rain.  It was one of her saddest moments.  Mommy thought it was quite cute! 

A little catching up

This first trimester and part of the second trimester has flown by so fast!  I have been exceptionally busy at work.  I have wanted to post an update on how things for a while now.  I am 19 weeks tomorrow.  19 weeks! That is almost half way.  Again, did I mention about time going by fast! 

The first trimester was rough.  I was sick a lot.  I would get sick mostly in the evenings between 6:00PM and 8:00PM.  Not that I want to get sick but I am glad it was mostly in the evenings so I wasn’t throwing up at work.  I was only sick a few times with Ava and this little bundle of joy made up for it.  Ava now pretends to throw up now.  It is priceless.   I am still getting sick once every couple of weeks.  Direct sunlight affects me so I have stayed in the shade as much as possible when we are outside.  

So far I have only gained 4lbs from my starting weight at 164lbs.  However, due to the morning sickness I lost 4lbs making overall weight gain about 8lbs.  I am not doing anything special.  I haven’t been hungry with this pregnancy like I was with Ava.  I had gained 40lbs with Ava.  My goal with my pregnancy with Ava was not to weigh more than Ben.  I wasn’t completely successful but I managed to stay with 5lbs of Ben.  For this pregnancy, my goal is to not weight more than 200lbs.  I feel like I am on track but I do need to start moving my body more. 

I have been giving a lot of thought on whether I wanted to try Hypnobabies.  I have read blogs that used it and loved it.  I thought I wanted to next time around and now I am not so sure.  My birthing plan with Ava was ‘go with the flow’ and to make it to 4-5cm without drugs (I succeeded).  I didn’t want to be stressed about things not going according to plan so I opted out of a well-defined plan.  I want to continue that with this birth.  I figure that the Hypnobabies program couldn’t hurt the ‘go with the flow’ plan.  If anything, I see it making it easier.  I have not purchased Hypnobabies self-study program and for some reason I keep second guessing myself on making the purchase.  

Saddened

Today, we met with our regular obgyn.  We did another ultrasound to confirm if we were have twins.  

Baby A is measuring 10 weeks 6 days and the heartbeat was 173. 

Baby B is no longer with us.  Baby B had no heart and is smaller than before as my body has started to absorb the baby.  

I am....upset, saddened, emotionally drained.  I am spending the day home by myself.  Ben went back to work and Ava is stull at daycare.  I needed this afternoon to grieve.  

I usually try to find the silver linings when bad stuff happens; I have thought of a couple but they just do not seem to matter.  

I should mention we are extremely excited and grateful that baby A is doing so weel and growing strong! 

Surprise, surprise, surprise

The other day I told you about our first ultrasound.  Let me tell you about ultrasound #2.

Ben was suppose to meet me at the doctors.  He was working.  He was running late after transferring some  outstanding citizens to jail.  He called and said he was going to be at least another 20 minutes and to go ahead with out him.  I asked if he wanted to facetime but he said no judst video the heartbeat.  

The nurse held the phone to get a good video of the ultrasound.  The baby is now measuring 9 weeks and the heart rate was 175. 

Next, Dr. A began searching for the other sac when I saw it.... Another flickering heartbeat.  Yes, the second sac (aka vanishing twin) had developed and  did not vanish at all.  Baby B is measuring 8 weeks 2 days and the heart rate was 156.

Boy oh boy was I surprised!  I called Ben during the ultrasound to tell him we got dupped!  

After I got dressed again Dr. A came back in and we talked about our little surprise.  Per Dr. A, the baby could either have attached late or is having some development issues.   He said he has seen it played out both ways.  He said the odds our in our favor that we will deliver 2 healthy babies but it is still early and baby B may not survive.  

If baby B does not survive, it should not affect baby A.  My body would absorb the fetus.   

If baby A does survive (yay!), the age difference will not matter at full term and everything should be ok.  

So we are now just waiting.  I have been released from Dr. A and my next appointment is with my obgyn on May 12.  We should know more about the babies then.

Ben is pretty excited and I am just shocked and sick.  I need to lay down every night after Ava goes to bed or I start throwing up.  I have zofran which has helped some days and other days not so much.  

Right we are just taking it one day at a time and praying our little surprise is a fighter!

Disappointed but Relieved

About 2 weeks ago, we had our first ultrasound.  We immediately were able to see two sacs.  Baby A measured at 7 weeks and had a good heart flicker.  Baby B unfortunately never developed.  It was an empty sac.  

Dr. A called this vanishing twin symdrome.  He said it occurs in 1 out 7 pregnancies and it did not matter if it was ART or natural conception.  My body would absorb the empty sac within the first trimester and Baby A would be unharm.    

He said that it explains why my morning sickness is worse this time around.  Extra hormones are going through my body since there were two sacs. 

From the research I did, everything Dr. A said was right on track.  A few scary options could happen but mostly if the twin would vanish later in pregnancy. 

My initial reaction was purely disappointment.  When I saw that two sacs attached, I was excited/overwh ed by the thought of having two but then to know one did not develop was a huge letdown.   After that reaction, relief come over me.  Mostly because 2 daycare expenses is more doable than 3 daycare expenses and we do not have to worry about vehicles either.  My little subie would not work at all with 3 carseats.

So we are super excited to have one strong little heartbeat flicker!    

Monday Snapshot-Silliness

Ava is entering the stage of complete and utter silliness.  This girl cracks me up.  Her sense of humor is developing more and more each day.  She cracks herself up and boy does she have a full belly laugh.  These photos are from this past weekend.  It was Saturday morning and just the two of us and she was just cracking herself up. 

 

 

 

MM Snapshot-Going Retro

This cute little outfit used to be minr.  I love the fact that I am able to pass things down to Ava.  We did not wear the outfit too long but it is great nonetheless.  

Results

Yesterday two things happened that erked me. 1) My mother in law, Deb, took Ava to see Deb's brother.  Since I have been gone all week I requested that she be home by the time I get home from work.  She wasn't home when I got home and she had even started the 1.5 hour drive home.  2) Ben was suppose to be home when I got home to tell me the news... And he was not home either!

I was home for a little over an hour by myself waiting...  I was not impressed but tried to enjoy the peace and quiet.  

Finally, Ben got home.  We discussed what the heck was going on with Deb.  I know understand what happen.  I am still annoyed but thats fine.  And then Ben let me know that..... We are pregnant.

We told Ben's parents last night since they left early this morning.  I know it is super early to tell anyone but it is our parents and they are supportive.  I am not sure what is next.  I have to call the office today to set the first ultrasound up and refill my minivelle prescription.  

My blood work results was 157.  I am not sure what that all means or if it is predictive of multiples.  But we are pretty excited today.

One more day...

One more day…. So far my 2ww hasn’t been too bad.  I have kept busy.  I have read both Divergent and Insurgent by Veronica Roth.  I have cleaned my entire house because my in-laws were coming to stay. And, currently, I am at a conference in Kansas City.  Technically, I am suppose to have my blood work today; but, since I am at the conference and do not get back until late tonight I am doing my blood work first thing tomorrow morning.  I am hoping that having an extra day will prevent what happen last time.   My first beta test with Ava came back slightly positive and inconclusive.  Ben and I held onto the positive and luckily the second beta came back prego!

After my test tomorrow morning, I will go to work.  Ben will call a couple of hours later.  Then I will find out when we both get home.  I know I am different for not wanting to know as soon as possible but I just couldn’t handle it if I found out a negative at work.  I will be able to keep busy and keep my mind off of the test.  I will check in that Ben knows and confirm that he talked to the doctors.  

I haven’t been trying to analysis any symptoms.  I have tried to keep my head far from the 2 ww but I have noticed some dizziness.  I am not sure if it is from having the meds, pregnancy, or the elevator at the hotel.  It happens mostly a minute or so after I get out of the elevator.  That is really the only thing that has stood out to me.  

St. Patty's Day - FET

Our FET transfer was schedule for Monday morning.  I ended up calling in sick that day at work.  I was very anxious to have the transfer and I did not want to go into work and but grouchy, anxious, etc.  Basically, I did not want to deal with people.  I feel bad lying about truly not being sick but I want to keep this cycle secret.  With IVF, I never got a chance for the pregnancy secret and I regret that.  I shared everything during the IVF process that when we found out basically everyone knew because of my oversharing.  It was great to have everyone’s support.  It really was.  This time though I just want a period where only Ben and I know.  Granted it might not but long… but still. 

Ben and I left the house extremely early Monday morning.  We had to take Ava to daycare in our town and then drive to the city.  We had some winter weather the night before and I wasn’t sure how the roads would getting Ava to daycare and then how the highway would be getting to the city.  We ended up running 45 minutes ahead of schedule.  We stopped and had breakfast and I got relax a little but I was still very anxious/nervous. I am not sure what about either.  I knew what the procedure was going to be like. But I was still unsettled.

Ben and I had decided to transfer two embryos.  We had three frozen and the clinic would keep unthawing the embryos until two survived.  Per our RE, the embryos had a 90% chance of surviving thawing.  Lucky for us, the first two thawed successfully and we still have one more embryo frozen.   We transferred two 5-day old embryos.  They were grade A quality embryos. 

After the transfer, I felt relieved.  Again, I am not sure why I was super anxious but I am so grateful for the sense of relief.  I am continuing progesterone suppositories and the minivelle patches until a negative pregnancy test or 10 weeks of pregnancy.  Here is hoping for the later!  I am hoping that transferring on St. Patty’s day provides us with some luck!

The two week wait has not been too bad so far.  I am busy at work, my in-laws are coming in this weekend so I have to clean the house, I have a baby shower on Saturday, and I fly out Sunday for a conference.  I return late Wednesday night and first thing Thursday morning I get my blood work down.  We will know in 7 days.  I refuse to take a home pregnancy test to know anything before the blood work.  I never did during IVF and honestly I think it will make me crazy.  Where waiting until next Thursday, I have a date I can count down to.  It somehow relaxes me.  Crazy, I am sure but that is what works for me.

My RE told us we have a 60% chance of pregnancy.  I am going to leave you with this statistic I found online at a different fertility clinic.

“For patients who are under 37 and produce at least two high quality blastocysts, the rate of pregnancy is about the same whether they transfer one or two blastocysts. However, their chances of having twins are 43% higher if they transfer two.”

Lunch is so exhausting!

We are in the process of switching from two naps a day to one nap.  I thought I could use daylight savings time to our advantage.  At 11 yesterday we ate lunch.  Ava was eating really well and then the next thing I know she is sound asleep.  Ben said I documtented the first time Ava just fell asleep. 

I am on spring break this week! Yay! We have our lining check this afternoon and then hopefully transferring next Monday/Tuesday.  

Similar Schedules for the First Time Ever!

For the past 8 years, Ben and I have been on different schedules.  My schedule is your normal Monday through Friday 8 – 5.  Ben’s schedule has always been second shift (4pm-2am) and his days off changed every 3 months.   After having Ava he decided he wanted to go to day shift (7am-5pm) so he could be home more with her.  He applied for day shift in January but due to seniority he did not get it.   Until now…

On Monday, he received a phone call from his lieutenant asked him if he wanted day shift starting next week.  Ben said yes.  So starting next week Ben will be working day shift! 

I should be super excited right?!?!?!  Well I was indifferent about it at first.   Ben and I have never spent 7 days with each other on a routine basis since ever in our relationship.  We went to different colleges.  He moved home, I moved to Baltimore.  He moved to Kentucky and 8 months later I moved to Kentucky.  From that point on we have lived together but again have always been on different schedules.  I am use to have 4 nights of the week to myself to do whatever I want.  Granted sometimes I truly missed him those 4 nights but overall I enjoy my Kelly time.

The idea of Ben being home nightly has grown on me.  I will have a little free time to grocery shop by myself or maybe even if I dare a movie with some girlfriends!  I know those two will still be hard to accomplish but I will have more opportunity!  It will also be great to have Ben home during the spring and tornado season.  Last night, we were under a tornado warning and here I am trying to wrangle 4 dogs and keep Ava asleep at 11:15 at night.  I managed but it will be so much easy to split the duties.

Overall, I am nervous and very excited to have Ben home every night.  Hopefully, we as a family adjust to it well!

Valentine

Our valentine got us purple boots!!

Favorites

I decided to do a little post about a few of my favorite loves since it is almost Valentine’s Day. 

A few of my favorite loves:

1.      The smell when Ben first opens the door after getting out of the shower. Hmmm…

2.      Listening to Ben and Ava do anything together.  Specifically, I love listening to him over the monitor reading books or playing or giggling or etc.

3.      Ava’s “I-am-so-happy-to-see-you-mommy” face when I pick her up from daycare.

4.      The sense of hope that our FET transfer will work. 

5.      Snuggles with our doggies

6.      A nice juicy steak with a baked sweet potato and a glass of red wine.

7.      Music – lately Tom Petty and Eric Church.

8.      Reading for pleasure where I stay up most of the night because I just can’t put the book down.

9.      Nice long naps.

10.  My little family, our big family, and our friend family.

 What are some of your favorite loves?

Here we go again! FET#1 Schedule

After much contemplating on my part, Ben and I decided to do FET this March.  I thought I had decided not too just because it is smarter financially and professionally to wait until next year but I was never settled with that decision.  I brought it up yet again to Ben and he said lets go for it.  I made the call that day and I felt very comfortable about my decision.  I kept waiting for a wave of regret to come and it never did.  Now, I do have heavy shoulders about the procedure.  Specifically, how many do we transfer, what are we going to do if it doesn’t work, etc.? 

Here is My protocol:

Step 1 – Birth Control Pills for a month.  I have started January 27^th and will continue taking BCP until February 22^nd.  So far I feel like the pills have just made me weepy.  But maybe it is the gray skies and snowy weather keeping me homebound last month and I just have some major cabin fever!

Step 2 – When I start my next period I will start using Minivelle patches.  I start with 1 patch and work my way up to 4 patches.  I will decrease back to 2 patches prior to the transfer and will continue the patches until my period or 10 weeks pregnant. 

Step 3 – Transfer day will be either March 17 – 18^th.   I will start my antibiotics and Prometrium suppositories.  I will continue Prometrium until my period or 10 weeks pregnant.  I used the prometrium last time too.   Even though I never felt quite clean using the suppositories, I am so glad it isn’t the progesterone shots that I hear horror stories about. 

There will be a total of three appointments not including bloodwork/pregnancy scans. 

Appt 1 – Tuesday this week I met with our RE for a sonohsterogram (SHG).  Per the clinic’s website, SHG involves injecting sterile saline through the cervix into the uterus and then the RE uses good ole Mr. Wandy to make sure the saline flows into the uterus without any problem.  I cramped a little during the procedure but it went well and there was no blockage or other issues. 

Appt 2 – It will 12-14 days into my next cycle.  They will check my lining and make sure all is ago for the transfer.

Appt 3 – As mentioned above the transfer day is March 17^th-18^th.  Either day works for me.  I will have to miss a part of work but it is what it is.  I will either have to wear green for St. Patty’s day (3/17) or Duke blue for my brothers birthday (3/18).

It seems completely weird to be in this process again.  Ben and I are still discussing how many to transfer.  We have 3 snow babies.   We both agree not to transfer all 3.  Ben says transfer 2.  I go back and forth between transferring 2 and having a better odds of pregnancy and transferring 1 and still having 2 for backup. 

It feel so odd, yet strangely familiar, to be back in this process again. 

Horrible Wife

I have been a horrible wife this week.  In all seriousness, I do not know why I was in a funk but man was I in a funk.  Ben does so much around the house that I do not give him credit for doing.  Yesterday, he mopped our very dirty floors, cleaned the gunk out of the shower, salted the driveway, and emptied the dishwasher.  What did I do? Complained that he didn't fill the dishwasher!  I know- huge bitch!  

He never complains about my lack of cleaning, never complains about anything really and yet I go off on stupid dishes.  I do not deserve him.  

I get so overwhelmed/tired of the daily grind.  I let it catch up and get me.  I do not get a break from things but neither does Ben.  Besides helping around the house some, he also feeds/waters the birds/cows and it is 0 degrees out right now.  

Anyways, I need to find a way to make this up to Ben.  Any suggestions? 

When do you know your ready again?

I am thinking I am ready to have another child.  I have been thinking about for awhile but my first major clue was disappointment when I got my last period.  Ben and I are not actively trying but we are not preventing either.    My cycle is back to its regular 36 day cycle.  I have symptoms of ovulation but I am not temping or doing ovulation predictor kits.  I have promised myself and Ben that I wouldn’t let it take over my life like before.  

Financially, it would be best to wait a little while longer.  Ben and I both have raises on the horizon; mine hopefully within a month and Ben’s in 6-12 months.  I also want to take 12 weeks FMLA like I did with Ava.  It will take time to build my leave balances back up to make that 12 weeks paid FMLA.  I do have s/t disability but it isn’t much to count on.   Also, I do not have the money in our FSA to help pay for the FET like I did with IVF.  

Another issue for I am thinking is Ben’s family beach vacation is in summer 2015.  I do not want to take a baby less than 3 months nor do I want to be 8 months pregnant riding 10 hours to the beach.  Which basically means I need to be prego by the end of May otherwise we will be on hiatus until Septemberish.  I do not want to miss the vacation and it isn’t because it is a vacation but it is the time spent only with Ben’s family and it is awesome family bonding time plan and simple.  Ava will be interacting with all her cousins by then and it means the world to us.  

I also do not want significant age differences between my children.  I understand financially it is better but my brother and I are 5.5 years apart and Ben is almost 3.5, 5.5 years older than his sister & brother, respectively.  I understand that close in age does not necessarily mean close/best friends but I know I learned a lot more than I should have at an early age and I do not want that for my child. 

Also, I am scared about having 2 children.  Honestly, there are days where just Ava is hard and she is a good baby.  Continuing with our ‘normal’ schedule, I would be home by myself with a newborn and a 2 year old.  Will I be able to handle it?  

Plus, how will a new baby affect our relationship with Ava?  She is the center of our universe and knows it!  I do not want to miss out on major milestones with her because I am too groggy/busy with the other child.  

How did you make the decision to have your second child? How did you know your family was ready? What variables did you consider?  Did you decide to try it own your own – naturally for awhile?  How long did you give yourself naturally before deciding to do treatments again? Did it matter if you were able to do FET?