Wednesday, January 8, 2014

When do you know your ready again?

I am thinking I am ready to have another child.  I have been thinking about for awhile but my first major clue was disappointment when I got my last period.  Ben and I are not actively trying but we are not preventing either.    My cycle is back to its regular 36 day cycle.  I have symptoms of ovulation but I am not temping or doing ovulation predictor kits.  I have promised myself and Ben that I wouldn’t let it take over my life like before.  

Financially, it would be best to wait a little while longer.  Ben and I both have raises on the horizon; mine hopefully within a month and Ben’s in 6-12 months.  I also want to take 12 weeks FMLA like I did with Ava.  It will take time to build my leave balances back up to make that 12 weeks paid FMLA.  I do have s/t disability but it isn’t much to count on.   Also, I do not have the money in our FSA to help pay for the FET like I did with IVF.  

Another issue for I am thinking is Ben’s family beach vacation is in summer 2015.  I do not want to take a baby less than 3 months nor do I want to be 8 months pregnant riding 10 hours to the beach.  Which basically means I need to be prego by the end of May otherwise we will be on hiatus until Septemberish.  I do not want to miss the vacation and it isn’t because it is a vacation but it is the time spent only with Ben’s family and it is awesome family bonding time plan and simple.  Ava will be interacting with all her cousins by then and it means the world to us.  

I also do not want significant age differences between my children.  I understand financially it is better but my brother and I are 5.5 years apart and Ben is almost 3.5, 5.5 years older than his sister & brother, respectively.  I understand that close in age does not necessarily mean close/best friends but I know I learned a lot more than I should have at an early age and I do not want that for my child. 
Also, I am scared about having 2 children.  Honestly, there are days where just Ava is hard and she is a good baby.  Continuing with our ‘normal’ schedule, I would be home by myself with a newborn and a 2 year old.  Will I be able to handle it?  

Plus, how will a new baby affect our relationship with Ava?  She is the center of our universe and knows it!  I do not want to miss out on major milestones with her because I am too groggy/busy with the other child.  

How did you make the decision to have your second child? How did you know your family was ready? What variables did you consider?  Did you decide to try it own your own – naturally for awhile?  How long did you give yourself naturally before deciding to do treatments again? Did it matter if you were able to do FET? 


  1. I can't answer most of your questions, but I can reassure you that your concerns are very VERY common. I also worry that with two I am not giving enough to each at any given time, and that I won't get a chance to make up for it later since they are the same age and growing so fast. When you're a parent, this is a constant problem -- trying to balance time with each child. But I assure you that you can do it and your kids won't have any lasting issues with it. I mean, think about it. Do YOU remember your parents giving you more or less attention before the age of 4 or 5?? Me neither. :)

    1. Thanks Jules! I was hoping you would comment about having twins/dividing time btwn 2 babies.