Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day 1 - Here we go!

It is day 1 - you know what that means. Aunt Flow came to visit me this morning. Which means first thing Monday morning, I am calling the RE and we are starting our IVF process.

I haven't been this excited about getting AF since college! Lol! It is funny how this would ruin my day the last 3 years but today it is joyful! Lets hope that it works and I don't have another one at the end of the process.

Back to studying, next exam is in 6 days!!


Friday, January 13, 2012

Thought Vomit Thursday... Oops, it's Friday

  • I heart 2 hr delays!  I work for a university and as an employee I also reap the benefit of 2 hr delays.  This morning I enjoyed my 2 hr delay (due to < 1 inch of snow!) by sleeping in, drinking coffee, and watching the beginning of Live with Kelly.  It was awesome.  I have decided the normal work week should be 10 to 5!  I know I am the most productive!  (As I sit here writing this blog during work hours:))

  • My friend, SM, finished her 2WW with a BFN.  My heart goes out to her right now that and a big bottle of wine.  However, I like her plan.  She and her hubby are going on a small trip.  I kind of wish the hubby and I would have done that.  It would have been nice to runaway from it all for a moment.

  • My next CPA exam is fastly approaching!  Oh, shit!  I need to buckle down with my studying of taxes!

  • Since planning the IVF, the hubby and my lovelife has been improving!  It has been great.  No stress or worries about if it is going to work this month.  The hubby feels like I am no longer just using him for spermies.  It has been great to reconnect on that level again and rock each others world. 

  • I love my NOOK!  Hubby got it for me at Christmas and it is fabulous!  I just finished The Hunger Games.  It was awesome.  I highly recommend it.  I feel so much for the main character, Katniss.  At the end of the games/book, knowing the games changed you and being unable to figure out how you are going to reconcile what you have become in the games and what you were prior to the games.  I really related.  It is similar to IF.   Prior to IF, I never calculated my cycle days, never instensly stared at cervical mucous, or talked about it!  Now that is what I do every cycle (which actually, causes my cycle to be out of whack).  I am at a place now where I am trying to find the middle ground.  Realizing not everyone cares about what the cervical mucous looked like today (even the hubby!).  IF has made me stronger.  I guess it is kind of like the military... break you down first to build you back up mentality.  Well, here is to rebuilding a stronger me, marriage, and everything in between.

Monday, January 9, 2012

"How do I not think about it constantly?"

Yesterday, I had lunch with a co-worker of my husband.  I know SM from hubby's work gatherings here and there but I would not have called her a close friend, until now.  Now she is one of my infertile friends and one of the first that I can talk with and have lunch with.  Most of my other infertility 'friends' are people that don't even know me but I feel like I know them from readying their blogs. 

Back to lunch, I told SM about our infertility story that we have been trying for almost 3 years now, that we have done clomid, 3 IUIs with clomid, and how this past year we have been saving our money for IVF this spring.  I explained how we are not really sure what the root cause of our infertility, we just can't seem to get our stars to align. 

SM explained their story.  They have been trying for over a year and have just completed their first IUI and are in the 2WW.  We share infertility stories, complained about everyone being pregnant, questioning our faith, how our husbands think we are crazy,  and everything in between.  It was great to have someone who I can speak with that actually, truly understands the situation and my feelings.

"How do I not think about it constantly?"
It is the one question SM asked that I could not answer and it has bothered me since our lunch.  I do not know how to answer it.  I told her that it is always, always on the back of my mind.  That I try to keep busy with work, CPA, crocheting, and whatever else but it is always there.  When I have a good day, something will remind me I am still infertile rather it be a pregnant belly, facebook, or just home alone. 

Since my sister in law announced her pregnancy and I hit an infertility rock bottom, I have stopped focusing on it.  I think I have made a personal decision to not allow infertility control my life.  I think/hope every infertile has a moment when they realize they are missing out on life when dwelling on infertility.   I found the following quote the other day on Pinterest and I read it when I find myself dwelling.

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. 
It empties today of its strenghts - Mary Engelbreit

Fingers crossed for my new infertile friend that at the end of her 2WW is a BFP!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The ball is set in motion!!

Wow, the ball is set in motion!  I feel anxious, nervous, excited, and a little scared!  I just keep telling myself to breath in, breath out. 

Yesterday, I called the fertility clinic to see what needs to be done to start IVF.  I knew they had a couple of test they wanted the hubs and I to do.    I have to do a SHG (Sonohysterogram) test.  It appears to be similar to the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) I did last year except it is a ultrasound vs. a X-ray.  I am hoping the SHG test is less painful than the HSG.  I cramped a lot with HSG.  I am lucky and do not tend to cramp during PMS (I get backaches.) so the cramping threw me for a loop!

I have to do the SHG at the end of my period.   Which now leaves me waiting until my next cycle to test.  Constantly waiting!  I feel this year my New Year's resolution is accept waiting and enjoy the moment in time aka keeping my mind otherwise occupied. 

The hubs needs to do a current semen analysis.  I have giving him all the necessary information and all he has to do is schedule the 'donation' prior to my next cycle. 

I am half way done with my CPA!  I passed the FAR section! My next CPA exam, REG, is the first Friday in February.  My cycle will be starting the end of January/early February so it looks like I will be in my normal crazy state at the end of January!

The nurse said after my SHG test I will be starting the IVF med protocol! 

Again, I would like to reiterate my excitement and yet scared silly for the process to begin.  I will put my feelings into words later.  Currently, I am focusing on breathing in, breathing out!