Thursday, January 23, 2014

Horrible Wife

I have been a horrible wife this week.  In all seriousness, I do not know why I was in a funk but man was I in a funk.  Ben does so much around the house that I do not give him credit for doing.  Yesterday, he mopped our very dirty floors, cleaned the gunk out of the shower, salted the driveway, and emptied the dishwasher.  What did I do? Complained that he didn't fill the dishwasher!  I know- huge bitch!  

He never complains about my lack of cleaning, never complains about anything really and yet I go off on stupid dishes.  I do not deserve him.  

I get so overwhelmed/tired of the daily grind.  I let it catch up and get me.  I do not get a break from things but neither does Ben.  Besides helping around the house some, he also feeds/waters the birds/cows and it is 0 degrees out right now.  

Anyways, I need to find a way to make this up to Ben.  Any suggestions? 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

When do you know your ready again?

I am thinking I am ready to have another child.  I have been thinking about for awhile but my first major clue was disappointment when I got my last period.  Ben and I are not actively trying but we are not preventing either.    My cycle is back to its regular 36 day cycle.  I have symptoms of ovulation but I am not temping or doing ovulation predictor kits.  I have promised myself and Ben that I wouldn’t let it take over my life like before.  

Financially, it would be best to wait a little while longer.  Ben and I both have raises on the horizon; mine hopefully within a month and Ben’s in 6-12 months.  I also want to take 12 weeks FMLA like I did with Ava.  It will take time to build my leave balances back up to make that 12 weeks paid FMLA.  I do have s/t disability but it isn’t much to count on.   Also, I do not have the money in our FSA to help pay for the FET like I did with IVF.  

Another issue for I am thinking is Ben’s family beach vacation is in summer 2015.  I do not want to take a baby less than 3 months nor do I want to be 8 months pregnant riding 10 hours to the beach.  Which basically means I need to be prego by the end of May otherwise we will be on hiatus until Septemberish.  I do not want to miss the vacation and it isn’t because it is a vacation but it is the time spent only with Ben’s family and it is awesome family bonding time plan and simple.  Ava will be interacting with all her cousins by then and it means the world to us.  

I also do not want significant age differences between my children.  I understand financially it is better but my brother and I are 5.5 years apart and Ben is almost 3.5, 5.5 years older than his sister & brother, respectively.  I understand that close in age does not necessarily mean close/best friends but I know I learned a lot more than I should have at an early age and I do not want that for my child. 
Also, I am scared about having 2 children.  Honestly, there are days where just Ava is hard and she is a good baby.  Continuing with our ‘normal’ schedule, I would be home by myself with a newborn and a 2 year old.  Will I be able to handle it?  

Plus, how will a new baby affect our relationship with Ava?  She is the center of our universe and knows it!  I do not want to miss out on major milestones with her because I am too groggy/busy with the other child.  

How did you make the decision to have your second child? How did you know your family was ready? What variables did you consider?  Did you decide to try it own your own – naturally for awhile?  How long did you give yourself naturally before deciding to do treatments again? Did it matter if you were able to do FET? 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Catching up - Ava's Birthday!!!

I am sorry I haven’t been around lately.  I have been checking my usual blogs but have not been posting.  It has been crazy busy in Kellyland.  Between Ava turning 1 on Thanksgiving Day, my parents visiting, holiday parties, Ben’s family visiting, and the normal stuff, I have just been swamped.  I have a lot of things I want to post and catch everyone up on from Ava’s 1st birthday to the holidays and reflections.

I am starting with the most important! Ava is 1 years old!  I cannot believe it.  She is turning into the sweetest little girl.   She loves being outside even though it is way too cold out right now.  She loves her doggies, monkeys, books, and her Daddy.  She is 28 inches and just shy of 20lbs.  She is walking all over and has been since about 11 months.  She is starting to gain speed with her walking. 

She is talking more and more.  She can say Dada, Hi, Momma, doggie, and I swear she knows the dogs names.  She signs all done but I haven’t truly worked on other things like eat and milk.  Her voice is so soft and dainty most of the time but then she can go on this jabber fest and talk and talk and talk.  It is hilarious.  Sometimes if she is a little mad, I swear she is telling Ben and me off.  Something to look forward to in 10+ years?!?!

What I am proud of the most of our parenting so far is that we did Baby Led Weaning with Ava.  She eats anything and everything.  I was a little nervous before we started and the poor girl gagged on cooked carrots once and we haven’t had carrots since.  But when she got the hang of it, it made everything so much easier and fun.  Does she make a mess? Yes, but that is why we have 4 dogs! 

What I am still struggling/failing with is napping.  Due to different schedules, I still put Ava to sleep for her naps.   She sleeps all night without a problem.  Our night time routine is perfected: bath, book (currently Brown Bear Brown Bear), prayer, kiss on the forehead and into her crib.  She is usually asleep within 10 minutes and sleeps 11 -12 hrs.  But napping is a whole another issue.  With Ben’s schedule completely different then us, I can’t let Ava fuss it out in her bedroom without waking Ben up.  On Saturdays, he works from 2pm to 8am Sunday morning.  He needs his sleep so I put Ava to sleep before putting her to bed.  I know it probably isn’t good and in the long run I am just hurting myself but I do not know what else to do?  Sleep is a whole another blog later though. 

We are truly blessed with our little person.  She is the perfect combination of both Dada and Momma.  Until next time, have a happy and stay warm!