Monday, January 9, 2012

"How do I not think about it constantly?"

Yesterday, I had lunch with a co-worker of my husband.  I know SM from hubby's work gatherings here and there but I would not have called her a close friend, until now.  Now she is one of my infertile friends and one of the first that I can talk with and have lunch with.  Most of my other infertility 'friends' are people that don't even know me but I feel like I know them from readying their blogs. 

Back to lunch, I told SM about our infertility story that we have been trying for almost 3 years now, that we have done clomid, 3 IUIs with clomid, and how this past year we have been saving our money for IVF this spring.  I explained how we are not really sure what the root cause of our infertility, we just can't seem to get our stars to align. 

SM explained their story.  They have been trying for over a year and have just completed their first IUI and are in the 2WW.  We share infertility stories, complained about everyone being pregnant, questioning our faith, how our husbands think we are crazy,  and everything in between.  It was great to have someone who I can speak with that actually, truly understands the situation and my feelings.

"How do I not think about it constantly?"
It is the one question SM asked that I could not answer and it has bothered me since our lunch.  I do not know how to answer it.  I told her that it is always, always on the back of my mind.  That I try to keep busy with work, CPA, crocheting, and whatever else but it is always there.  When I have a good day, something will remind me I am still infertile rather it be a pregnant belly, facebook, or just home alone. 

Since my sister in law announced her pregnancy and I hit an infertility rock bottom, I have stopped focusing on it.  I think I have made a personal decision to not allow infertility control my life.  I think/hope every infertile has a moment when they realize they are missing out on life when dwelling on infertility.   I found the following quote the other day on Pinterest and I read it when I find myself dwelling.

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. 
It empties today of its strenghts - Mary Engelbreit

Fingers crossed for my new infertile friend that at the end of her 2WW is a BFP!

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