Thursday, October 13, 2011


I have noticed that the past couple of months I have been fueled with anger and I am currently on a journey to identify the cause and deal with the anger.  I have unfortunately taken it out on people that I love and care and I realize this is a bad thing and I have apologized profusely. 
A little background before I explain the current cause of anger.
My Hubby and I have been trying to conceive (TTC) for 2.5 years.  We have had no luck with 3 IUIs and are now saving money for IVF.  We have a great support network of close friends/family that is aware of our issues.  Our infertility is a combination of his and mine infertility.  When I ovulate his stuff doesn’t like to swim.  When he is swimming my stuff doesn’t work. (I will do a timeline soon!) 
We were watching the news the other day and a 34 yo man was killed.  His sister was on the news saying he was a new grandfather.  Yeah, that’s right a 34 year old grandfather!!! Argh!  Anyways, that rocked me to the core.   
Next, we had friends over for dinner that night a JT said that God does not give anyone something they are not ready for.  I smiled and thanked him.  JT has been great in the past for us. 
Here is the anger part, how can God think that it is ok for a 34 year old to be grandfather but we are not able to be parents.
My husband and I are in a great place with our marriage, careers, and life in general.  All we are missing is a little one that is spitting image of us.   I’m afraid that if we keep going the way we are that we will have 10 dogs with in the next 5 years! We already at 4!  I think I live in a zoo sometimes.
Anyways, I promise future blogs won’t be so depressing. 

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