Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Body Image

During our infertility struggles I turned to food for a little bit and gained enough weight that my clothes didn’t fit any more.  I started dieting/exercising.  At my peak fitness, I was 21% body fat.  I loved seeing my muscles.  I loved feeling stronger and watching myself get stronger.   I lost all that muscle tone I worked so hard to get when the holiday cookies started appearing, the fertility meds, and finally the pregnancy sweet tooth.

Even with losing tone I felt so strong after giving birth.  I felt empowered.  I felt like I was the strongest women in the world.  Yes, I realize women give birth every day all over the world without drugs and with much bigger babies.  But to me, delivery was the strongest I have ever felt.   I even felt a little sexy.  I wish I was more eloquent in explaining this feeling.  I hope all women feel this strong. 

Even though my body is not how I wish it was, I am still amazed at how strong it was to push a child out, my sweet little child.  I still feel empowered.  I have caught myself admiring my body shape in the mirror.  Sure there is extra lovin’ on those love handles but they were a right of passage.  Not that I ever had a straight body, I love having more of an hour glass shape.  Also, I do enjoy a little more fullness in my lovely lady lumps thanks to breastfeeding. 

It really made me feel like a true woman vs. a girl wearing mommy’s clothes. I really believed that something inside of me changed that day.  I feel more confident in myself and my abilities.  I am not sure if that change came from the strength/empowerment or if the difference was caused by being a mommy. 

I do want to start the diet/exercise regiment again to help flatten that belly pudge some.   However, right now any free time is sleep time for me.  I feel it is more beneficial to maximize sleep.  I have started trying to take Ava for walks.  I need to start using the bow flex again in the mornings but Ava is so inconsistent on wake up times.  Days that my pants are too tight or I am not liking the looks of my body, I remind myself my strength and also remind myself it took 9 months at put the weight on it will take 9 months to get it off. 

This post is a part of PAIL Bloggers monthly theme. 


  1. Great attitude!!!! You have plenty of time to take it off. Enjoy that sleep and time with your daughter!!!

  2. glad you are in a good place and birth was such a good experience for you. I ended up with c so i had the opposite experience and hope that I can do a vaginal birth this time.

  3. I LOVE that you felt that way about your birth experience. It is such a powerful experience!

    21%?? That's awesome lady! I'm at like 34% right now and NOT happy about it.