Leaky boobs!

Breastfeeding has gone well at least thats what everyone is telling me! My milk came in on day 4-5; but prior to my milk coming BF was hard and exhausting. I felt like all I did was BF and if I wasn't she was screaming. It really challenged my desire to keep BF. I completely understand why moms stop BF! If it was not for Ben's incredible support I do not know if I would still be BF. He has been a huge cheerleader for me!

Our BF story includes supplemental that first few days until Mommy and baby were more in sync. This allowed Mommy to get some much needed sleep.

At her one week appointment, Ava weighed almost 1lb over her hospital weight and a half lb over her birth weight!! That is amazing, per the doctor! The doctor hopes babies weigh at least their birth weight at there 2 week checkup and we surpassed that within a week! This gave me an amazing sense of confidence that I actually am doing well with BF!

I love the special time Miss Ava and I have while BF. I don't mind getting up (most nights) to BF. However, I hate leaky boobs! I feel like all I do is leak milk constantly! I go through milk pads like no other! I leak while BF; I leak while watching TV; I leak when Ava cries; and I leak in the shower!

I have started collecting from the leaky boob while I am BF from the other boob. I can collect about an ounce from the leaky boob! Its a pretty crazy sight I am sure! Plus, Miss Ava mean mugs the bottle collecting the leaky drippings! It cracks me up that she is claiming her milk!

I do feel bad that Ben does not get special time with Ava like I do. He does not seem to mind though. I am open to any suggestion on how to involve him more!

My breastfeeding advise for anyone about to start BF- this is your story! There is no right or wrong way. You need to find what works for you. If you don't supplement-great! If you do supplement-great! Remember this is your story- you write it as you go along. Also, find your cheerleader and get as much support as you need!

Note: While on FMLA I will be posting via my iPhone. My apologize for all typos and what not!

Love these chubby checks!!

Events leading up to November 28th

November 22 - It was my 30th birthday! Wow, 30! I still see myself as an early 20 year old. It does not bother me to turn 30 though; I feel my life is getting better every year. My marriage is stronger than ever, we are having a baby, and work is ok. Life is good!

November 23 - Our weekly maternity appt. Dr. B talked with us about inducing. I am measuring 2-3 weeks smaller than my actual 39 week status. I was about 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. told him I wanted to try to induce labor naturally. Dr. B said he didn't want me going past 40 weeks. I said ok.

November 24/25 - I never walked so much in one weekend before! George (my dog) and I walked around our pasture. George protected me from our cows. I bounced on the exercise ball, everything you name it! But nothing crazy no special teas, castor oil, etc.

November 27 - My last day at work and our weekly doctor's appt in the afternoon. The last day at work was great! I was so ready to leave and 3:00 didn't come fast enough. Ben had to work on tuesday. (He works second shift. He is a cop.) He went to the appt with me in uniform. (He is so handsome!) The doctor had scheduled a ultrasound. At this point, I was ready to have this baby. The baby looked good in the u/s but Dr. B said that the baby isn't growing anymore. She had weighed about 5.5lbs on week 37 and now almost 40 weeks the baby only weighed about 6lbs 3 ounces. The placenta wasn't giving the baby the nourishment it needed anymore. I knew he was going to recommend inducing. I told him I was ready whenever he was. He schedule the inducing the next morning. I looked at Ben and said he was not going into work tonight. He laughed and said of course not.

Stay continued for November 28th!

Introducing our little IVF miracle:
Miss Ava Clare!

She was born November 28, 2012 healthy and happy. Her birth was how I wanted it but there were some complications with the placenta... more on that later.

We are tired and overjoyed!

An upside to infertility – if there really is such a thing.

Even though Ben has labeled me a pessimist, I try my damnedest not to be so pessimistic.  I like to think of myself as a realist; but, I am sure there is some truth to what Ben is thinking.  I do my best to see the silver lining in bad situations.  Mostly, so I don’t focus on all the negativity and find myself spiraling out of control with either anxiety or depression. 

I have to admit that infertility hit me hard, just like everyone else going through it.  I had good days and bad days.  However, I tried to see an upside… for example, oh, I got my period this month… well then I get to drink on vacation/at the wedding/in general.  Yes, most of my silver linings were related to drinking.  Yes, I realize that is a cooping mechanism.  Stop judging me! J

Anyways, I have realized another upside to infertility this week.  I have saved up enough sick leave these last years to cover the full 12 weeks of FMLA!!!!  That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I said sick leave!  That doesn’t include my vacation leave at all!  Based on my projection, I will actually have about a week of sick leave and almost 4 weeks of vacation leave when I come back to work!  I can’t believe it! 

Please note that some of the reason I will have so much leave upon returning to work is that I work for a university and I will have 13 paid holidays during my maternity leave.  My university shuts down completely for about 2 weeks at Christmas and the President has provided us with paid holiday during that time in lieu of raises.  (Yes, always disappointed in July when I don’t receive a raise but always happy when he announces the paid 2 weeks at Christmas and 1 week for Spring Break !)

Anyways, I am overjoyed today and now am thinking I should ask off on Friday since my Mama is in town for the weekend!!

Becoming a mommy worries

Our little girl will be here in no time, approximately 7 weeks to go.  I can’t believe it.   I am very excited but I can’t lie and say that I am not scared shitless at the same time.  I am not scared yet about labor and delivery, but I am scared about not knowing anything about babies.  I was never really around them very much growing up and my nieces and nephews have all been born since I left home.  I see/spoil them just a few times a year if I am lucky.   Plus, due to the infertility, I have successfully avoided all the new moms in our circle.  It was disheartening at every pregnancy announce (as many of you know) and I retreated to protect my heart.

I am scared about how our life will be forever changed.  I am scared about being a single mom 4 nights out of the week while Ben is working.  Even though we have the most amazing friends surrounding us, I am scared that we live 10 hrs from both grandparents and neither of them can come running when I call.  I am scared that I am not emotionally strong enough to be a mommy.  I struggled with the responsibility of being a wife.  I am scared about being able to afford the baby and all that she will need from insurance, daycare, diapers, etc.  (Luckily, do to some awesome friends and family members, I do not think we will every have to worry about her going naked!  Unless, she is a nudist! J)  I am scared that I do not have the natural mommy instinct.

I am sure all new mommies worry about this insecurity too.   I know that it will all work out for the best.  But for right now, I am just scared. 

Song of the Day

Thank heaven for little girls
for little girls get bigger every day!

Thank heaven for little girls
they grow up in the most delightful way!

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin'

Thank heaven for little girls
thank heaven for them all,
no matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?

Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!

 by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe

Cheating

Tonight, we are going to a belly spa to find out the gender of our little baby.  It is not because we cannot wait until July 11.  It is more because Ben's parents are in town and I thought it would be fun to share this with them.  We live 10+ hours from both parents and I am hoping/expecting that my parents will be with us during the delivery, especially my mom.  This way his parents who may/may not be here for the birth can at least have something special with our little one.  But, okay, maybe I am a teeny weeny little bit excited too!

Today is also my mom's birthday.  She doesn't know that we are doing this so I figured it will be a nice little surprise phonecall for her tonight too!