Thursday, May 10, 2012

11 Weeks - I lost the war today

·         Yes, I lost the war against morning sickness.  My mind was not strong enough to fit it this morning.   However, for the first time ever I was able to vomit and rally back.  I am feeling ok today.  But I do have my saltine crackers and ginger ale with me this morning!
·         This week has been rougher than last week.  I have been ridiculously tired.  I had a fairly busy weekend… staying up late both Saturday and Sunday.  When I say late, I mean 11:00 PM!  I have been going to bed 9:00-9:30PM the last few weeks.  I have tried naps but they haven’t seemed to help. 
·         We had our first appointment with our normal doctor on Monday.  I was disappointed that we did not have an ultrasound but we did get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  It always scares me when they first put the Doppler on and I do not instantly hear the heartbeat.  It always seems like it takes forever before they find the little guy/gal!  Then I have a huge since of relief. 
·         I do not seem to know where I belong.  We have struggled with infertility for 3 years and now after our first IVF we are finally pregnant.  But I do not feel like I belong in the new pregnant bellies group nor do I feel like I am in the infertility group.   I know infertility will always be apart of me but I feel uncomfortable posting about our growing belly or other pregnancy issues when most of my online friends are still in the trenches battling infertility.  I do not want my blog to upset anyone. 
·         Overwhelmed – This week I am also feeling very overwhelmed by this whole pregnancy thing.  I have doubts that maybe we struggled with infertility because I truly wasn’t ready for a baby.  What happens if I am still not ready this journey?  It was adjustment for me to realize that I was now someone’s wife and what that meant.  What about now?  I am going to be someone’s mom. 


  1. You are going to have PLENTY of time to get ready for being a Mom. That's why you get 9 months to wait! I can relate though -- I have my own moments now and then, and I just have to stop myself and give myself this pep talk: "Don't freak out, you've got lots of time to figure this all out, and plenty of classes to take and plenty of other moms to guide you along the way." You are going to be just fine.

    p.s. I got so worried when I saw your post title was "I lost the war today"! Don't do that to me!

    1. oh no! I didn't even think about the title! I am so sorry.

      Thanks for the pep talk! I try to do it myself and it works for the most part.

  2. Be gentle on yourself... as Jules says, there's plenty of time and I've found that you also intuitively know that right thing to do when the moment is right after your little one arrives :) Stories like yours are an inspiration to me... I've been thinking of you and hoping you're ok. Never feel that you can't talk about what's going on for you.. we're all here together xoxo