Monday Snapshot

 

Happy Baby



 

Poor baby has my complexion.  Luckily she is super cute in hats! 

We had a good weekend just the two of us!  Saturday, she took decent naps (1 hour naps) and then I dropped her off at a friends house so I could run some errands.  I have rarely taken advantage of our friends' offer to watch Ava we could do things but  holy cow it was awesome!  It was like I was free again!  Not having to worry about her was great.  This is the first time I left her with someone that I was not consistantly checking my phone to see if they needed anything.  Something about her being 6  months I am now able to comfortably leave her with friends and not worry nonstop.  Since both families live 10 hours away we rely on friends to love and spoil her. 

Ben and my anniversary is next weekend so I am thinking about having some other friends watch Ava for the night so we can go on a date!  I think we both have forgotten what a date is!  I am sure we will spend all of dinner talking about her but hey it will still be fun!

When our friend watched Ava Saturday it was during the day.  However, it will have to be during the work week when we have our date night since Ben's "weekend" is during the work week right now.  I might still be a little worried about Ava going to sleep at the right time without me.  But she will be fine.  She will be fine. She will be fine. 

Ooo, with all the freedom I felt running errands I added a couple of extra stops onto the errand list and purchased Ava a pink rug for her bedroom.  She is going to love it! 

Happy Monday!

Our birth story, 6 months late

So I was reviewing my blog and realized that I never shared Ava's birth story.   I did events leading up to Ms. Ava's birth but never the actually birth.   So here it is- the best to my recollection.

We arrived at the hospital at about 7:00 am on Wednesday, November 28th.   We got hooked up to the monitors and the pitocin started kicking in by 7:30am.   They came and broke my water around 8:00am.   I remember thinking that my mom wasn't going to make it for the delivery.   They had driven halfway from PA and would not be arriving at the hospital until about noon.   I thought that once my water broke it wouldn't take anytime for her arrival!   Boy was I wrong!

My goal when it came to labor was to make it 4-5 cm without any pain meds.  Around 11:00 am, my mom and dad came into the room.  Wheew, they made it!   And I had made it appoint 4-5 cm and was ready for the goods!   I was scared about having an epidural.  I don't mind the pain meds or getting stuck with a needle but having a long needle that close to my spine freaked me out but I was ready and it went in smoothly.

The epidural really slowed down my dilation, so the nurse made some adjustments and about 7:00pm they said it was time to get ready to push.   It just so happened to be the time the nurse changed shifts.   The next nurse Betty was awesome!   She had her hands in my business before she even knew my name.   As the first nurse was explaining my situation, Betty looked at me and whispered “what is your name?”   I know some people may find that impersonal but I thought it was hilarious.   I still think it is hilarious.   Betty cracked me up and kept me calm throughout the whole process.

Betty was with during my 45 minutes of pushing before the doctor showed up.   Dr. B was doing a C-section and got there as fast as he could.   Unfortunately, I did not think it was not fast enough.   At one point, Betty told me to stop pushing when Ava was right there.   Which ladies, that is extremely difficult to do!   It was the moment that I lost all cool and said, "I love Dr. B. but he better get is f***ing ass here." 

When Dr. B. arrived I continued pushing. I remember looking at Ben and watching him tear up. It melted my heart.  He did amazing.  Even though he has seen things I don't even want to begin to think about with his job when it comes to me, he can't handle it.   It was funny just watching him when I was doing my infertility shots.   Anyways, I bet I pushed only a handful of times and out came this beautiful little girl.  They placed her immediately on my chest after my mom cut her umbilical cord (Ben refused - again can't handle it).  My mom went out to let me dad know and to call some family members and then all hell broke lose.

I start hemorrhaging.   I was losing a lot of blood fast.  My placenta had broken into pieces and some was still attached to my uterus.   At this point my memory gets hazing.   I am not sure if it was from the blood loss or the meds that they were given me for the pain.  I remember telling Ben to stay with Ava on the other side or the room where they were checking her and asking mom to stay by me.   I remember feeling pain or the pain.   I remember Dr. B. scrapping my insides and asking if the OR was available.   I remember thinking if I just delivered Ava without a problem and now I have to go into surgery I was going to be pissed. 

I remember coming in and out of it.  I remember thinking that I was going beat the nurse assistant that kept asking me stuff like needing a thumb print and to me there was more important matters going on south of my belly button!   Even the doctor was getting a little frustrated. 

I remember when they thought I was in the clear and didn't have to go into surgery they placed Ava back on my chest (Kangeroo Kare - Absolutely love it!!!).  I was concerned that she wasn't latching and I was mad that no one was listening to me because I kept feeling Ava was going to fall of my chest. I don't remember where my arms were at this point.  Ben said I was coming in and out.

After about an hour they finally had the bleeding under control and everything was stitched up.  I stayed in the labor and delivery room for another 6 hours so they could monitor me.  I was exhausted, weak, and wanted sleep.  Every time I was about to fall asleep someone was coming in to check me or take my blood. 

When I was transferred to my room, I was still being monitored and didn’t get much sleep.  I ended up with a blood transfusion which felt like syrup going through my veins.  It did give me a headache but nothing that some pain meds. 

However, throughout the whole ordeal my still did not fail me.  I have gain strength in delivering Ava.  Thank God that I did not lose my reproductive system as what I fear would have happen if I had to go to the OR.  

Even though the doctor said that this happens sometimes and it is nothing we could have done to prevent and it more than likely wont happen again.  I plan on giving my own blood in case this happens again next.  

Body Image

During our infertility struggles I turned to food for a little bit and gained enough weight that my clothes didn’t fit any more.  I started dieting/exercising.  At my peak fitness, I was 21% body fat.  I loved seeing my muscles.  I loved feeling stronger and watching myself get stronger.   I lost all that muscle tone I worked so hard to get when the holiday cookies started appearing, the fertility meds, and finally the pregnancy sweet tooth.

Even with losing tone I felt so strong after giving birth.  I felt empowered.  I felt like I was the strongest women in the world.  Yes, I realize women give birth every day all over the world without drugs and with much bigger babies.  But to me, delivery was the strongest I have ever felt.   I even felt a little sexy.  I wish I was more eloquent in explaining this feeling.  I hope all women feel this strong. 

Even though my body is not how I wish it was, I am still amazed at how strong it was to push a child out, my sweet little child.  I still feel empowered.  I have caught myself admiring my body shape in the mirror.  Sure there is extra lovin’ on those love handles but they were a right of passage.  Not that I ever had a straight body, I love having more of an hour glass shape.  Also, I do enjoy a little more fullness in my lovely lady lumps thanks to breastfeeding. 

It really made me feel like a true woman vs. a girl wearing mommy’s clothes. I really believed that something inside of me changed that day.  I feel more confident in myself and my abilities.  I am not sure if that change came from the strength/empowerment or if the difference was caused by being a mommy. 

I do want to start the diet/exercise regiment again to help flatten that belly pudge some.   However, right now any free time is sleep time for me.  I feel it is more beneficial to maximize sleep.  I have started trying to take Ava for walks.  I need to start using the bow flex again in the mornings but Ava is so inconsistent on wake up times.  Days that my pants are too tight or I am not liking the looks of my body, I remind myself my strength and also remind myself it took 9 months at put the weight on it will take 9 months to get it off. 

This post is a part of PAIL Bloggers monthly theme. 

Sleep

I asked daycare to provide me with Ava's typical schedule.  This was in their response:

"We have an overall schedule for the infant room that we use.  I will list it below.  A lot of the times, Ava doesn't follow the schedule but we really try."

Now I hate to say it but I find some peace/relief in this comment.  I am glad to hear that it isn't Ben and I doing anything wrong with Ava not sleeping.  That Ava is consistently not sleeping rather she is at home or at daycare.   However, I do not like the fact that she does not sleep well. 

Ava usually takes quick little 45 minute naps and still isn’t sleeping through the night.  We had hit a rough patch at night for the last couple of months where she was not sleeping more than 3-4 hours.  I thought I had a newborn again.  It was an adjustment especially because at 2 months she was sleeping from 7:30-3:00, nurse, and then back to sleep easily and up around 7ish.  

We kept blaming the lack of sleep on allergies, congestion, and teething.  I strongly feel like they were apart of the problem.   We didn’t know what to do and still don’t know really.  We just know that 1) she is a happy baby for the most part – think how happy she would be if she slept more! and 2) we are exhausted.

We have started increasing her milk intake.  We do have to supplement breast milk with formula but she has more breast milk.  She eats cereal or other food 2x a day. We are doing baby led weaning so she is definitely getting some food especially right before bed.  We were given a lullabies CD with heartbeats in the background and that seems to help more too.   We even swaddled her some.  Sometimes the swaddle works and sometimes it is like it keeps her up.

She is so squirmy most of the time.  We are using a bouncer and johnny jumpup and I am hoping that she will start exerting some of that energy more and more to help her sleep better.

Anyways, we are tired and open to suggestions how to get our sweet baby girl to sleep better so we can sleep better.  Or do we just wait it out and hopefully once crawling/walking she will sleep better? 

She does fall asleep well she just doesn't stay asleep.  We do find it best if she is on her belly.  We do not have her swaddle when she is sleeping on her belly. 

Please note- The cry it out method- I understand it works for some; I am just not ready for that yet. 

Monday Snapshot

Growing up I have fond memories of reading the Little House on the Prairie books.  My mom read them to me at least twice and I read them a handful of times also.  I have a porcelain doll collection of all the key characters in the series.  I can not wait to read these to Ava when she is older.  I plan on introducing a new doll every time we start a new book.  I am so excited!

Here is to future reading time with my lil' half  pint!

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Approximately 3.5 years ago…

Ben was working that night so I was home by myself mowing the lawn.  I had just finished making dinner and sat down to watch the new Big Bang episode when my close friend (and Ben’s co-worker) Teri called my phone.  There was a brief moment of “Yay! Teri is calling!” before the “Oh shit, Teri is calling.” thought crossed my mind.  See Teri and I always text (in fact I have unlimited texting because of her!) and up until that night Teri had never called me. 

As soon as I answered I knew the news was not going to be good but I didn’t know how bad it was going to be.   She asked if I had talked to Ben and I said no what is wrong.  She explained Ben was ok but he had gotten hurt at work.  At this point, I start freaking out in my head and of course I think the worse that he had been shot and the department and chaplain is on there to get me. (Ben and Teri both are police officers and work in the same area in the nearby city.)   My world turned upside down in the few seconds it took for her to explain what happened.

Teri said he got into a fight with a man on drugs.  Ben had tasered the man but it did not affect him.  The man continued towards Ben.  The man took the tasered from Ben and tasered Ben in the arm for 5-10 seconds causing Ben to fall backwards with the man on top of him.  The men tasered Ben in his neck for approximately 20 seconds.  While being tasered in the neck Ben was able to grab a pen from his pocket and stab the man in the face.  The man got up and ran away.  Then Ben’s co-workers all arrived on scene to help Ben and some caught up with the man later that night.   (Please note that this happened in a matter of seconds.  Usually, Ben is not alone or the other officer is pulling up.)  Per Teri, Ben was conscious but out of it.  He was loaded up in the ambulance and taken to the ER as a routine precaution.  

He finally called me or I called him I can’t remember exactly but he said he was fine (I could tell he wasn’t) but I was suppose to stay home.  I didn’t need to come get him.  He was released from the hospital ok and finished the paperwork before he came home.  He even went into work the next day even though everyone told him to take a couple of days off.  He suffered mostly disappointing himself by allowing himself to getting into that position.

It took him awhile to realize he did everything he could have at the time of the incident that things like this just happen on the job.  The man was high as a kite on God knows what and the taser was ineffective.   He now goes and talks about his experiences to the new cadets which I think is the best therapeutic thing for him.  Plus, it is a good annual reminder for him that he is not invisible. 

So I request from you as a LEO (Law Enforcement Officer) wife, remember the cop that gave you a spending ticket or any other interaction with an officer that more than likely s/he has a family that loves him/her.  S/he may be struggling with infertility or other similar problems too. 

I love my officer.  He is my prince charming.   

Remember to thank a cop this week to celebrate National Police Officer Week. 

currently...

 currently...

• missing the freedom I had before Miss Ava.  I would just like to go to the grocery store by myself without having to worry about every little detail. However, I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I am just adapting to my new role as a mommy!
• craving some romance!  I would love to be swept off my feet and be taken.  
• accepting that I am not going to get my CPA.  After studying for 2 years, I am done.  I am tired exhausted and want to focus on what I want to be remembered for… being a mommy!
• loving the way Ava looks at me and smiles in the morning or well anytime she looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes and smiles knowing I am here to take care of her forever.
• needing to catch up on my house work!  I need to go through clothes and donate them, landscaping, and just every day cleaning.
• listening to Dave Matthew Band on Mum & Son Pandora station.
• watching Ava grow and develop every day.  We are now sitting with little support and trying to make noises blowing out of our mouths.
• wanting to take a relaxing shower without a sense of hurry or interruption including a shaving my legs.
• hoping to make the best out of our summer. 
• desiring a good nights rest without interruption!