Leaky boobs!

Breastfeeding has gone well at least thats what everyone is telling me! My milk came in on day 4-5; but prior to my milk coming BF was hard and exhausting. I felt like all I did was BF and if I wasn't she was screaming. It really challenged my desire to keep BF. I completely understand why moms stop BF! If it was not for Ben's incredible support I do not know if I would still be BF. He has been a huge cheerleader for me!

Our BF story includes supplemental that first few days until Mommy and baby were more in sync. This allowed Mommy to get some much needed sleep.

At her one week appointment, Ava weighed almost 1lb over her hospital weight and a half lb over her birth weight!! That is amazing, per the doctor! The doctor hopes babies weigh at least their birth weight at there 2 week checkup and we surpassed that within a week! This gave me an amazing sense of confidence that I actually am doing well with BF!

I love the special time Miss Ava and I have while BF. I don't mind getting up (most nights) to BF. However, I hate leaky boobs! I feel like all I do is leak milk constantly! I go through milk pads like no other! I leak while BF; I leak while watching TV; I leak when Ava cries; and I leak in the shower!

I have started collecting from the leaky boob while I am BF from the other boob. I can collect about an ounce from the leaky boob! Its a pretty crazy sight I am sure! Plus, Miss Ava mean mugs the bottle collecting the leaky drippings! It cracks me up that she is claiming her milk!

I do feel bad that Ben does not get special time with Ava like I do. He does not seem to mind though. I am open to any suggestion on how to involve him more!

My breastfeeding advise for anyone about to start BF- this is your story! There is no right or wrong way. You need to find what works for you. If you don't supplement-great! If you do supplement-great! Remember this is your story- you write it as you go along. Also, find your cheerleader and get as much support as you need!

Note: While on FMLA I will be posting via my iPhone. My apologize for all typos and what not!

Love these chubby checks!!

Events leading up to November 28th

November 22 - It was my 30th birthday! Wow, 30! I still see myself as an early 20 year old. It does not bother me to turn 30 though; I feel my life is getting better every year. My marriage is stronger than ever, we are having a baby, and work is ok. Life is good!

November 23 - Our weekly maternity appt. Dr. B talked with us about inducing. I am measuring 2-3 weeks smaller than my actual 39 week status. I was about 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. told him I wanted to try to induce labor naturally. Dr. B said he didn't want me going past 40 weeks. I said ok.

November 24/25 - I never walked so much in one weekend before! George (my dog) and I walked around our pasture. George protected me from our cows. I bounced on the exercise ball, everything you name it! But nothing crazy no special teas, castor oil, etc.

November 27 - My last day at work and our weekly doctor's appt in the afternoon. The last day at work was great! I was so ready to leave and 3:00 didn't come fast enough. Ben had to work on tuesday. (He works second shift. He is a cop.) He went to the appt with me in uniform. (He is so handsome!) The doctor had scheduled a ultrasound. At this point, I was ready to have this baby. The baby looked good in the u/s but Dr. B said that the baby isn't growing anymore. She had weighed about 5.5lbs on week 37 and now almost 40 weeks the baby only weighed about 6lbs 3 ounces. The placenta wasn't giving the baby the nourishment it needed anymore. I knew he was going to recommend inducing. I told him I was ready whenever he was. He schedule the inducing the next morning. I looked at Ben and said he was not going into work tonight. He laughed and said of course not.

Stay continued for November 28th!

Introducing our little IVF miracle:
Miss Ava Clare!

She was born November 28, 2012 healthy and happy. Her birth was how I wanted it but there were some complications with the placenta... more on that later.

We are tired and overjoyed!

An upside to infertility – if there really is such a thing.

Even though Ben has labeled me a pessimist, I try my damnedest not to be so pessimistic.  I like to think of myself as a realist; but, I am sure there is some truth to what Ben is thinking.  I do my best to see the silver lining in bad situations.  Mostly, so I don’t focus on all the negativity and find myself spiraling out of control with either anxiety or depression. 

I have to admit that infertility hit me hard, just like everyone else going through it.  I had good days and bad days.  However, I tried to see an upside… for example, oh, I got my period this month… well then I get to drink on vacation/at the wedding/in general.  Yes, most of my silver linings were related to drinking.  Yes, I realize that is a cooping mechanism.  Stop judging me! J

Anyways, I have realized another upside to infertility this week.  I have saved up enough sick leave these last years to cover the full 12 weeks of FMLA!!!!  That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I said sick leave!  That doesn’t include my vacation leave at all!  Based on my projection, I will actually have about a week of sick leave and almost 4 weeks of vacation leave when I come back to work!  I can’t believe it! 

Please note that some of the reason I will have so much leave upon returning to work is that I work for a university and I will have 13 paid holidays during my maternity leave.  My university shuts down completely for about 2 weeks at Christmas and the President has provided us with paid holiday during that time in lieu of raises.  (Yes, always disappointed in July when I don’t receive a raise but always happy when he announces the paid 2 weeks at Christmas and 1 week for Spring Break !)

Anyways, I am overjoyed today and now am thinking I should ask off on Friday since my Mama is in town for the weekend!!

Becoming a mommy worries

Our little girl will be here in no time, approximately 7 weeks to go.  I can’t believe it.   I am very excited but I can’t lie and say that I am not scared shitless at the same time.  I am not scared yet about labor and delivery, but I am scared about not knowing anything about babies.  I was never really around them very much growing up and my nieces and nephews have all been born since I left home.  I see/spoil them just a few times a year if I am lucky.   Plus, due to the infertility, I have successfully avoided all the new moms in our circle.  It was disheartening at every pregnancy announce (as many of you know) and I retreated to protect my heart.

I am scared about how our life will be forever changed.  I am scared about being a single mom 4 nights out of the week while Ben is working.  Even though we have the most amazing friends surrounding us, I am scared that we live 10 hrs from both grandparents and neither of them can come running when I call.  I am scared that I am not emotionally strong enough to be a mommy.  I struggled with the responsibility of being a wife.  I am scared about being able to afford the baby and all that she will need from insurance, daycare, diapers, etc.  (Luckily, do to some awesome friends and family members, I do not think we will every have to worry about her going naked!  Unless, she is a nudist! J)  I am scared that I do not have the natural mommy instinct.

I am sure all new mommies worry about this insecurity too.   I know that it will all work out for the best.  But for right now, I am just scared. 

Song of the Day

Thank heaven for little girls
for little girls get bigger every day!

Thank heaven for little girls
they grow up in the most delightful way!

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin'

Thank heaven for little girls
thank heaven for them all,
no matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?

Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!

 by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe

Cheating

Tonight, we are going to a belly spa to find out the gender of our little baby.  It is not because we cannot wait until July 11.  It is more because Ben's parents are in town and I thought it would be fun to share this with them.  We live 10+ hours from both parents and I am hoping/expecting that my parents will be with us during the delivery, especially my mom.  This way his parents who may/may not be here for the birth can at least have something special with our little one.  But, okay, maybe I am a teeny weeny little bit excited too!

Today is also my mom's birthday.  She doesn't know that we are doing this so I figured it will be a nice little surprise phonecall for her tonight too! 

One of my blog friends found out this week that she lost her baby at 16 weeks.  Please send her your thoughts and prayers at http://hormonacoaster.blogspot.com/.  

Let's talk about sex, baby!

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about all the good things.

And the bad things that may be.

Let's talk about sex.

Let's talk about sex!

-Salt-N-Pepa

I was wondering if anyone else was having difficulty having sex with their significant other.  I would like to preface this post with my husband is super supportive, I am NOT feeling any pressure to have sex or anything of that nature.   Also, I did my best to stay clean and as little TMI as I could. 

I know not everyone gets the pregnancy “sex drive” and I am one of those people.  It is frustrating because our love life has been in the slumps because of the fertility issues.  I was hoping for the crazy pregnancy sex drive to revamp our love life… but I guess I need to work on it. 

Sex is just awkward now. It isn’t that I am scared of hurting the baby (I realize it is 100% safe!)  I just can’t seem to find a comfortable position that does not hurt.  I am a little dry and KY does not seem to help for very long.  It is just painful and awkward. 

I feel bad for the hubby.  He can still find my spot through other means and it feels GREAT!  But I know he is concerned with hurting me during his “time” and not getting to enjoy sex like before the fertility issues yet.  I am also sure he isn’t enjoying “her time, his time” either.  I know I do not like it clearly separated like it is now either. 

Open to suggestions? Positions that have worked for you? Anything?

15 Weeks!

How big is the baby? S/he is somewhere between a naval orange and an apple.

Symptoms: I have good days, almost great days, and then it all crashes down on me and I have a really bad day with vomiting. 

Movement: I feel flutters that could be the baby or might be gas!  I am sure it is a little bit of both. 

Maternity Clothes: A friend just gave me a whole tote full of maternity clothes!  I am wearing my first maternity top today.  I am still wearing a belly band with my pants.

 Sleep: Usually to bed by 9:30 PM.  Still pretty tired at times though.

Best Moment This Week: Ben has been in Canada fishing this last week.  I was so glad for him to be home so I didn’t have to take care of the quail!  While he was gone, we had about 500 hatch!  They are so cute when they are a week old… after that I have no use for them!

Gender: Our 20 week ultrasound is schedule for July 11!!! 5 weeks away!

Food Craving/Aversionss: I had a really bad day with cottage cheese… so that isn’t looking to appetizing to me anymore.

What I am looking forward to: We are having a pig roast on June 16^th.  I am pretty excited for that.  Plus, the in-laws will be here that week.  They will be the first family members to see my bump!

 
Other happenings in Kellyland:

·        I went for my 14 week appointment on Monday.  I was hazed!  I was unable to pee so the nurses made me drink water, and more water to pee before I could leave.  After I was able to leave, I had to pull over and vomit.  It made me so sick!  I felt like a frat boy being hazed!

·        I am doing my best to study for my exam.  Work has been crazy and I am just tired!  

·        I still haven’t announced our pregnancy on Facebook.  Currently, I decided that I am just not going to post it.  I think it is frustrating some people but oh, well.  It is my choice.  I just do not feel like I need to say look at me I am pregnant!  People will find out when they find out. 

Thank you!

I know I do not have many people following me and I am fine with that. I have always been a girl with a small group of close friends. I never needed or wanted to be friends with everyone.

I have also never had good luck with woman friends. I grew up with boys and feel more comfortable around guys. In my experience, girls are catty.

I had a bad experience on one of the baby websites message board today. Where I fully admit I made a mistake, an honest mistake, and was attacked for it. I deleted my original post and added another post with my apology. I hope the women I offended accept my apology.

Having said that ladies that do read my blog thank you, for listening, uderstanding, and mostly not judging or attacking my thoughts/feelings in the comment section. And being patient when I make mistakes on blogspot. Technology is not always my friend.

Thank you again ladies.

13 Weeks

How big is the baby? The size of peaches. YUM! I love my grandma’s peach pie!!

Symptoms: Still tired after a long day at work, tooting, and some feeling like I am going throw up.  Also, a minor headache.

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I don’t know.  I refuse to buy a scale.  My OCD couldn’t handle it.

Maternity Clothes: Net yet, I can still wear all my normal cloths.  I do wear a belly band but that is more out of comfort after lunch.

Sleep: Usually to bed by 9:00-9:30 PM and get up once to pee.

Best Moment This Week: Spending time with family we do not normally see and watching them congratulate Ben and warn him about what will come.

Gender: Not yet! L  But people have convinced me it is a girl. 

Movement: Nope

Food Craving/Aversionss: Not really.  No true aversions either.

What I miss: Jimmy John’s VITO sub.  I figure it contains all the lunch meat I am not allowed to have.

What I am looking forward to: I am looking forward to my pregnant belly (instead of a belly looking like I ate too many donuts) and feeling the baby.

Other happenings in Kellyland:

·         I must start studying for my final CPA exam!  I must start studying for my final CPA exam!!  I must start studying for my final CPA exam!!!

·         The pool is getting relined hopefully next week!  I waited to long to call the pool people!  It is suppose to be 90s this weekend and I have no pool to cool off in!  Plus, I figure it will be a great way to exercise!  So the nurses do not yell at me for not getting 30 minutes of exercise daily!

I stole borrowed the listing from Jules!  Thank you!

Benny's Birthday!!!

Sometimes I feel like all I do is complain on my blog... therefore, todays post is going to be a happy post!

Today, is my husband's birthday!!!  He has to work so I wont see him at all today but that is ok.  We can celebrate this weekend.  Especially since it is a 3 day weekend for both of us!

Ben was a blind date (at least he didn't know who I was).  He was a first date after a horrible relationship, then he turned into my college sweetheart and now my husband.  We dated a long time (like years) before moving into anything serious.  He gave me the space to figure out who I am and who I want to be while remaining faithful and loyal (and lets be real in this day and age and faithful person is hard to find).  He has never tried to mold me into someone I am not.  He lets me be me.  I love him so much for this.  I have seen friends with controlling significant others and it makes me appreciate Ben even more.

He has been supportive throughout the whole infertility.  He never put any pressure on me and told me we will do what I am ready to do and when I am ready to do it.  He listens to my craziness when the hormones are in overdrive from whatever fertility meds we were using. 

He is supportive on my pursuit to become a CPA.   Besides a comment every now and then about my hair in the drain, he never says anything about the housework slacking off because I am studying or now because I have no energy. 

He is my rock.  I love him so.  Happy Birthday Baby!

Another nephew

Today, I am an Aunt yet again.  We are not up to 4 nephews and 3 nieces. 

Ben’s brother’s wife had their son today.  I should be overjoyed!  However, it just reminded me of hitting rock bottom.  See I found out about this pregnancy through Facebook.   (See this blog for further details.)  This pregnancy shook me to the core.  Luckily, we do not live near them so I wasn’t force to put on a happy face.  However, I still, even though we are finally pregnant with our own, have resentment towards his wife for her Facebook announcement. 

I hope that I will not treat this nephew differently than the rest.  I hope that I will love him as much as the others.  I hope I will be able to get over this hurt, resentment, etc.

It has not helped that I have been bomb-barded with baby pictures all day today.   Can’t wait to go home and go to bed and start tomorrow with a fresh attitude!

12 Weeks 1 Day

I missed my weekly update for 12 weeks yesterday.  So here goes: 12 Weeks 1 day!

·         This past week was rough.  I didn’t feel good at all.  I was tired and constantly felt like I was fighting back vomiting.  Sometimes I wonder if this mind over matter approach with vomiting is worth it.

·         The thing I miss currently is brushing my teeth.  Don’t get me wrong I am brushing my teeth but it is short and quick so I don’t throw up.   Prior to being pregnant, brushing my teeth wasn’t always fun.  I would make myself gag at least twice every brushing.  Now gagging means vomiting and brushing my teeth all over again.  It’s a vicious cycle!  I just want a good clean scrubbing of my teeth.   Hopefully, soon.

·         My belly has definitely not popped yet.  However, it does look like I have eaten a couple boxes of donuts all by myself.  I use a belly band from time to time but that is mostly to keep comfortable after lunch. 

·         This week I have been fighting off headaches.  It is weird.  I feel a headache from time to time but it isn’t any big deal unless I bend over.  At that point my head throbs.  I am trying to stay hydrated and avoid taking any medicine for the headaches.

·         The poison ivy!!!  I am on day 3 of the meds.  So far I still itch.  It isn’t all the time or nearly as strong so hopefully the meds are working!   Everyone seems to be getting a kick out me getting poison ivy after doing nothing but sitting on the couch for the last 6 weeks.  Oh, well!

·         I am still going to bed at 9-9:30.  I toss and turn a little through out the night but for the most part I am comfortable.  I am doing my best to sleep on my left side.  I have read that it is better for the flow blood and nutrients to the baby. 

·         Our friend has already decided when we are having our baby shower.  It cracks me up!  Since we are transplants in the area we live in, most of our friends are through Ben’s work.  It will be a couples’ shower in October after the guys switch to having weekends off.   It should be interesting!

·         I can only hope that my energy level picks up again soon.  I have to start studying for my final exam in July!!  I can’t wait to have the CPA over with!  And, then I can put my full concentration on Baby!

Itchy! Itchy! Itchy!

I had developed a rash this past week that drove me insane from all the itchiness!  It is crazy itchy!  I was itchy constantly.  I have no will power when it comes to scratching and itch relief.  It would feel so good to scratch!  Ben got sick of watching me scratch when he finally made me call my doctor.  

I do not like being that crazy lady that flips out at every little change and calls the doctor.  I felt fine/normal first trimester fine.  My mother’s intuition felt fine.  Until Ben worried me by making me call the doctor.  Then Dr. Google and I found every rash that possible cause a miscarriage.   I was nervous.  I think it made my nauseated state worse.

At my doctor’s appointment today, the nurse couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat.  That freaked me out a little.  Eventually, she said she heard it and the heartbeat was 163.  I never heard it.  She said it was very faint.  Then before she left she gave me a card with my blood type and other information she said in case I ever need to go to the ER.  What?  Lady!  First, I never heard this faint heartbeat!  Then you give me an ‘in case’ I go to the ER card!  Thanks!

Then I was left in the room to ponder this while I wait for the doctor.  I decided that she would not have legally  been able to tell me there was a heartbeat unless she really heard it.  I calmed down some.  Then when the doctor finally came in he did not seem concern by it.  I feel fine now. 

Back to the itchiness!  With one look of my rash the doctor said it was poison ivy!  What?  I haven’t been hiking nor doing anything besides sitting on the couch the last few weeks.  How the heck could I have gotten poison ivy?  The doctor prescribed some meds and off I went.

When I called Ben, he just started laughing.  We decided I either got it from contact with his cloths doing the laundry or the dogs have gotten into and then cuddle me!

I am happy to say that the baby and I are doing fine but I did feel silly going to the doctors all concerned about a poison ivy rash!  All is good and that is what I am focusing on that and doing my best not to scratch!

11 Weeks - I lost the war today

·         Yes, I lost the war against morning sickness.  My mind was not strong enough to fit it this morning.   However, for the first time ever I was able to vomit and rally back.  I am feeling ok today.  But I do have my saltine crackers and ginger ale with me this morning!

·         This week has been rougher than last week.  I have been ridiculously tired.  I had a fairly busy weekend… staying up late both Saturday and Sunday.  When I say late, I mean 11:00 PM!  I have been going to bed 9:00-9:30PM the last few weeks.  I have tried naps but they haven’t seemed to help. 

·         We had our first appointment with our normal doctor on Monday.  I was disappointed that we did not have an ultrasound but we did get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  It always scares me when they first put the Doppler on and I do not instantly hear the heartbeat.  It always seems like it takes forever before they find the little guy/gal!  Then I have a huge since of relief. 

·         I do not seem to know where I belong.  We have struggled with infertility for 3 years and now after our first IVF we are finally pregnant.  But I do not feel like I belong in the new pregnant bellies group nor do I feel like I am in the infertility group.   I know infertility will always be apart of me but I feel uncomfortable posting about our growing belly or other pregnancy issues when most of my online friends are still in the trenches battling infertility.  I do not want my blog to upset anyone. 

·         Overwhelmed – This week I am also feeling very overwhelmed by this whole pregnancy thing.  I have doubts that maybe we struggled with infertility because I truly wasn’t ready for a baby.  What happens if I am still not ready this journey?  It was adjustment for me to realize that I was now someone’s wife and what that meant.  What about now?  I am going to be someone’s mom. 

10 Weeks

·       I have made it to 10 weeks pregnant!!  I am no longer taking the progesterone suppositories!  Hallelujah!!   They have not been that bad… but I am hoping I finally get to feel ‘clean’ down there.  Also, I am hoping the constant itching down there goes away too!

·    I get waves of nausea but I have been able to control it with eating small meals often and mind over matter.  I hate vomiting (I mean really who does like it?) so I am doing my best to control the urge.

·    I absolutely, no questions asked, have pregnancy fatigue.  I do not want to do anything.  I do not want to see anyone.  I am perfectly content being a hermit in my home.  However, the hubby is not impressed.  He is supportive but makes me go do things with him.  Which I am glad he is getting me out of the house.  Otherwise I would be completely worthless!

·    My clothes are still fitting but sometimes after I eat I unbutton my pants because it is uncomfortable where they hit my belly.   I am going to purchase a belly ban sometime soon.

·    I have decided to postpone my final CPA exam until July.  There is just no way I can study enough to pass for May.  Like I said, I do not want to do anything.  I have no ambition.  I need to find some though.  I need to start studying.  Yuck!

·    Pretty much all of our family and close friends know by now.  It wasn’t our intention but most knew something was up anyways.  But we have not made any public announcement yet.  I have been debating about the Facebook announcement.  If I even want to make the announcement at all… just show up 9 months from know with a little baby in all of our pictures! Haha.  If I make the announcement, I want to leave it open that someone in the IF community would get that we had troubles but I do not want to go out and say that we used IVF.  

Understand, I am not ashamed of using IVF.  I think it is/was an amazing opportunity for us and I will advocate it to anyone and everyone that asks.  However, I just do not want our IVF process to be Facebook official.  Not everyone in our family knows/understands the IVF process.  I do not want to get in religious debates on Facebook about IVF.  I just want to let others know in the IF community that I have been there and I can be resource.    Any suggestions on how to or not post something on Facebook?

First Ultrasound

So we had our first ultrasound yesterday and we are still pregnant!!! And we are having... One sweet little baby!

We got to see the heartbeat! It was such a surreal special moment. I was so happy I did not even ask our due date but I was 6 weeks 3 days yesterday so I believe that makes us due on November 30!

A friend nicknamed the baby Leonitis (I have no idea!) and I think the name is going to stick for now at least. So without further ado here is Baby Leo:

Scared shitless.

Almost a week ago I started spotting. Nothing major, just a little that I thought it was implementation bleeding. The next day it changed to a bright red color which scared me. I called my doctor and they said do not worry it is probable normal and if I am miscarrying there is nothing to do about it. Plus, do not lift anything over 10lbs. Ok, I told myself all is good and to stop worrying... Well that only lasts as long as I do not go to the bathroom where I am reminded that I am still spotting.

I am scared shitless. I know it is normal but what is considered normal? What is considered normal for me may not be normal for the next lady. I keep telling myself to be patience, relax, and it is all working out but it is not working.

I am still spotting some days better than others but still spotting. I am trying to stay calm but I am screaming/crying inside. I keep telling my little embabies to hold on tight. But really, I am just scared shitless.

I also want to add I really do not have any symptoms. At least any that I might have could be from my amazing imagination!

A little March Madness

I am absolutely sure it is bad luck to post this picture. But it is March Madness and Kentucky is in the final four and well I am super excited about this pregnancy so here goes nothing:

It is the very first present and the very first thing bought for our baby! I swear I haven't even purchased a pair of socks or bib!

Drumroll please....

I AM PREGNANT!

Thank you ladies for your support during this IVF process. Ladies still going through the process you must always have hope and faith. You all are stronger than what you realize.

Turkeys

Today, we will hopefully find out if we are pregnant or not.  I am hoping the beta number has gone up significantly.  Last time I had Ben call and get the results and I found out when I got home from work.  Today, I am still having Ben call but I do not know if I can wait until I leave work.  Ben is working tonight so no matter what I am going to hear about it over the telephone.   I think I will end up calling him once he knows the results.  I checked in a noon to see if he knew the results… here is our message:

Me: So do you know? I don’t know if I can wait all day.

Ben: They are out until 12:30; however, you are going to be the proud momma of 16 baby turkeys Tuesday or Wednesday.

Yes folks, my husband said turkeys.  Why we need 16 baby turkeys is beyond me but raising birds is a hobby that turned into a business for my husband.   He raises quail and sells them.  At any given time we have more than 1,000 quail eggs in an incubator.  He seems to enjoy it.   Did I mention I am scared of birds?!?!?!

What we do for love! J 

Need a little motivation!

I have absolutely no motivation to study for this next exam! After spending the last year devoted to studying for my CPA, I am just over it.

I keep telling myself "Kelly, this is your last exam! Get through this next month of studying and you will be done." I get a little pumped after that and open the book and start reviewing contracts and then I lose all interest!

Ok, done whining... must get back to studying now.

Slightly?!?!

I am slightly pregnant. My beta said I am pregnant but it was low. I am going back on Monday morning to retest.

I am happy, I think. A positive is a positive. I am very hopeful but still have not let my guard down.

Kick Ass!!

On the eve of my beta test, I am looking back at the last month and realizing I am we are, us IF girls, are strong, courageous woman.  Not every woman has the strength to stick themselves with needles, have surgery on their girly parts, and go through the emotional/financial pain we have gone through.  Plus, voluntarily do it.  We have goals and we are doing everything we can to achieve those goals, look rejection/disappointment in the face and say “No, you will not beat me.”  We kick ass!

We are empowered and take action.  As much as it sucks, I am so glad that there is a strong community of woman available to share with.  I know I do not utilize the blog world enough but to those I read and to those that comment of my posts.  Thank you.  You have made my journey not so lonely.

I will try to update tomorrow evening with our results.  Hopefully, Ben and I will be celebrating!

T-3 days for Results

Thursday, we will find out if the IVF was a success or not.  I have done my best not to speculate one way or another.  I have corrected people, my mom, that already think I am pregnant that I may not be pregnant.  I just knew the first IUI would work and was very disappointed when it did not.  I am preparing for the worse yet hoping for the best.  Isn’t that what we all do during the 2WW? 

I haven’t really had the ‘pregnant until proven otherwise’ attitude.  I have considered myself not pregnant until proven otherwise.   However, I do have a daydream/feeling that I will be delivering a healthy boy in the future.  I haven’t told anyone about this feeling.  I am staying quiet and just hoping my ‘psychic powers’ are accurate.   

I am faced with a little dilemma on Thursday though.  My blood work is schedule for Thursday morning.  Then anytime after 4 hours, I am able to call the clinic and get my results.  I don’t want to be at work when I call because I wont be able to control my emotions either way and I do not want to share the news.  I also want Ben with me and I do not think I will be able to make it home before the office closes to call together.  Here are my options:

1.       Work through lunch and leave a little early from work to make it home in time to call the doctor’s office together.

2.       Make Ben take me out to lunch and call when we are alone and then go back to work (but then again, I wont be able to control emotions.)

3.       Have Ben call and wait until I get home to find out.  

Right now I think I am leaning towards option one with three as the backup plan in case anything crazy happens Thursday at work.   

Spring has sprung!

Transfer Link

http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

Um, I do not think he did anything?

Decisions
Before the transfer Dr. A met with Ben and I and said that we had 8 great embabies and 6 ok embabies.  We decided to transfer the best 2 embabies.  Per Dr. A, at my age (29) 2 is the recommended amount to transfer.  I am fine with this number and had planned on putting 2 in all along.  Ben agreed. 

Challenge Accepted
Dr. A proceeded to say that out of his last cycle, 5 patients that were 29 were pregnant with twins now.  I do not know out of how many.  However, I say challenge accepted.  My brother has twins (clomid) and he can do it, so can't I.   Granted my brother has mom/MIL that live within 5 minutes whereas our parents both live 11 hours away.  I still have faith in us!

Transfer
The transfer went so well I told Ben afterwards that I do not think the doctor did anything.  It was so simple, painless, and quick that I really did not do anything.  It was awesome!  Best part yet!

I wasn't prescribed valium like others have been and I really did not need it.  I was anxious but completely fine.  I expected it to be a little difficult.  The doctor that did my IUI would have trouble opening my cervix but not Dr. A (A for Awesome!) 

Freezing
The lab should be calling daily to let us know how the remaining embabies are growing and when they will be able to freeze.  I am expecting around 6 or 7!

Other News
I checked my recent CPA grade.  I PASSED!!!   I am now 75% done with my CPA!  I have one more test on regulations/taxation and then I am done.  The end is near!  I hope to take the exam some time early May.  I am just not sure when yet. 

In regards to my last post, I am still bloated beyond belief and uncomfortable.  But I have decided it is more related to constipation than OHSS.  Dr. A stated it was normal with the meds I am on and the anaesthesia and to add fiber to my diet.  Done!


Update
Lab just called.  We were only able to freeze 3 embabies.  So much for my 6 or 7... but 3 frozen embabies is still great and I am still happy!

I want to feel 'Normal' again!

I know I signed up for all of this and I am very grateful to have 9 good, great embabies and 5 ok embabies. It just I want to feel like myself again.

It's 3 days post retreival and I am still in pain. Mostly when I walk or one of the dogs accidently touches my belly. I am bloated to no end. I am emotionally and tired. I can lay on the couch all day sleeping on and off and still sleep all night.

Today, I went with a friend to see a movie and then out for lunch. I left lunch early, not eating anything, and barely made it home before vomiting. And sorry next sentence is a little TMI but I was vomiting with such force that it was coming out of my nose too.

I called Dr. A and he said it was ok an prescribed some meds for the vomiting. So far so good.

I just want to feel 'normal' again. Or at lease not be sore anymore. My transfer is on Tuesday. Hopefully, tye next time I am sick is because someone has implanted and is growig strong.

Fertilization Report

Of the 28 eggs, 16 were injected and 14 have fertilized!!!

Hope they keep growing!

The Retreival

Ok, I apologize if this makes me sound like a baby but please realize I have never ever been in surgery.

I was nervous yesterday since I never been in surgery. Ben has been in a couple of surgeries since we have been married (nothing serious). I am ab excellent care giver and I know what Ben needs as a patient. However, I was concerned about the two of us switching positions.

The nervousness made me quiet. I think they expected me to ask more question but I was blank. Basically, they are the professionals, they know what they are doing. I trust them.

Once back into the room, I was given a gown and then the nurse came in and put in my IV. She did a great job but it still hurt some. Next, I kissed Ben goodbye and I went into surgery.

I have a 'piercing' so they checked to make sure it was ok to leave in. It was ok. But I did not care and kind of wished they would have removed it. It was an act of rebellion. It does not do anything, just decoration.

Anyways, I remember the medicine going in and burning and then the mext thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room cold and in pain. They covered me up with another blanket and gave me morphine! I did not think I was in morphine pain but the pain sure did alleviate!

I am sure what you really care about: we got 28 eggs! Thats right, 28 eggs! Which is great but at the same time we are keeping watch of OHSS. Hopefully, nothing crazy happens the next couple of days and we will be able to transfer on Sunday/Tuesday!

Once home, the medicines made me sick a couple of times. So recovery was not fast.

Ben was awesome! He took such good care of me. I love him!

Fingers crossed that we have a good fertilization report today!!

This is really happening?!?!

Besides having ridiculously swollen ovaries, everything is going well. I had an appointment today for my last bloodwork and u/s before the retreival.

I am now off of follistim completely. We are 'coasting' until retreival. They gave me Dostinex to help prevent OHSS. Retreival is set for Thursday afternoon. I start Dostinex tomorrow night. I trigger Wednesday morning at 3:15 AM!

This is really happening. I have been so good not worrying about the process, going with the flow, but today after the phone call setting everything up, it hit me right square in the forehead. It is really, truly happening.

I am at a loss for words. I guess I am still processing everything.

Good luck to all the retreivals this week!

Appointment #2

This morning went well. I was in and out without any wait. My right ovary has about 8-10 follies and my left ovary has 5 follies. Lining was really good. They called this afternoon with the results of my bloodwork. It turns out the my estrogen level (EL) was pretty high. They changed my dosage of follistim from 225 units to 75 units. I'm not sure what all this means. I have researched with Dr. Goggle. Apparently, if my EL is too high and does not come down they may cancel my cycle. That would absolutely suck. However, I have faith that it will come down. The thing that does piss me off is the fact I told them that I am sensitive to these meds. I overstimulated on the lowest dosage of clomid for pete's sake! Anyways, I am not that concerned. I may be naive but I have hope that this will all work out.

On a good note, I am now on spring break! My university completely shuts down for spring break! I don't have to go to work until March 12th!!! I needed this break... Work has been crazy busy with investgations!

Now, I am charging my nook in preparation of this horrible storm coming thru this evening. I have our tornado shelter all prepped! For those in the path of the storm stay safe! Ben is working tonight so hopefully nothing goes through the city!

Baseline Appointment

Today, I had my first bloodwork and ultrasound.  Everything looked really good.  It did take a minute to find my left ovary.  I wasn't panicing or anything, but I did think to myself that I do not remember misplacing my left ovary.  It should still be there!  My lady bits are tilted a little which caused the left ovary to be a MIA for a second.  But all is good!

Dr. A kept saying both ovaries and my lining looked great.  My smart alec-ness wanted to reply most people have to buy me a drink before being able to say that; however, I kept it to myself.  Not knowing if he would appreciate my anxious/nervous sense of humor. 

Tonights shots (and until told otherwise) will be Lupron = 5 units and Follistim = 225 units.  We are getting closer!

All I have is 4 more days until the University closes for Spring Break and then I have a whole paid week off without using my annual leave!  I cannot wait! 

This week I learned that I failed the REG section of the CPA. So I will be retaking that section sometime in April/May.

I took the BEC section today. I left the testing center feeling like I did not fail but not exactly share if I passed either! I will get my results the first full week in March so yet another reason my fingers are crossed!

The rest of the day I am do nothing! I am taking a break from studying until after the IVF retrieval and implementation. I am hoping this will give me time to get the house back to normal and do some other things that have been neglected for too long!

But, today I am doing absolutely nothing! I am watching the Cats play, then I am going to read the 2nd book in the Hunger Games series, watch a movie, and drink some champagn with a girlfriend tonight! No particular reason for the champagn, just cause!

Since I have not started stimulation, I feel like a couple glasses of champagn wont be bad. I will have to drive home so I wont get crazy! How do you guys feel about drinking during the IVF process?

On the IVF front, my first bloodwork/ultrasound is Monday morning. I will be starting follistim that night too! Such an exciting time right now!

Have a great weekend!

Checking In

I have not posted in a couple days.  Between studying for the next exam and giving myself a nightly shot nothing new and exciting has happened.  No one really wants to listen to me complain about studying, even the dogs do not like listening to me whine about studying! 

I do feel the need to complain a little!  I hate it when I take practice exams and I can get 85% on some and the 45% on others!  Frustrates me.  However, I keep moving forward.  I think the rest of this week is going to be fueled by coffee.  I am hoping Ben goes out with some friends tonight so I can have some peace and quiet at the house to continue studying.  He is sort of a distraction!  A cute one though!

I must get back to studying work now!

Sounds like your mother!

For the most part, lupron has not affected me. Having said that maybe I am just in denial! Haha!

I seem to have lost my sense of humor. I am all business and get very frustrated when no one gets what I am saying! I was trying to pick on my husband the other night and no one would listen to me! It happened to me today at work too! When I notice this happening, I just quit. It is not like I retreat to Kellyland (well, maybe a little!) I just quit trying. It seens to work best for me and keep me from going crazy on someone!

My mother texted me the other day asking me how I was feeling. I responded that I was tired, cranky and had no sense of humor. She responded "sounds like your morher." This cracked me up! I love my mom!

The RE class on Wednesday went well! I feel more informed. At this point I have decided to take it one appointment at a time. I think there are way to many unknown variables otherwise. Realizing this has given me a sense of relief.

My first couple days of shots have gone well! I have surprised myself how well I can do this! Ben helps by walking me thru the steps: alcohol wipes, the lupron, my leg, the needle out, etc... I do not think he watches me but he is there! Tonight, he is working. He is a police officer so I am hoping he is not busy just to have the morale support even if via telephone! (Sarah, Ben is the police in your city, in case you ever need anything!)

Hope everyone has a great weekend! My will be stuck studying! Exam is one week from Saturday!

Happy Valentines to me, I think!

My Valentine's Day present:

Clueless

As I read everyone else's blogs I wonder if the IVF newbies are as clueless feeling as I am.  Ben and I met with the RE for the first time back in March 2011.  The next time we met with the RE was to do my SHG  last week since we spent the last year saving money for the IVF.  I am sure the RE went over the procedure quite well last spring but it is almost a year later and now I just feel lost. 

My first shot (Lupron only, I think) is Wednesday night after an hour long class on how to properly give myself the shots and what not.  I am hoping that the appointment/class the nurse will fill in the blanks and I will not be so clueless anymore.  I really can't handle not knowing each individual step and what time/day the next step is.  I am trying to be all-go-with-the-flow kind of gal and so far I would say I have been slightly successful at that attitude mostly because the CPA exam takes up all of my time.  However, I just know major milestones: 

• February 15 - Start shots
• February 18 - Stop birth control
• February 27 - Test Blood/Ultrasound (I think)
• Continue every other day
• March 8-10 - Retrevial
• 2-5 days after implantation
• 2 week wait.

When I was ordering my meds, the pharmacy went through the long list of what I was getting and asked if it was right.  I have no idea if it is right or not.  I have 72 hours after receipt of the medicine to make changes.  I get the meds tomorrow and hopefully the class on Wednesday will confirm the meds I received are right.

I don't want to be the crazy lady that calls the RE ever other day with new questions.  I know they said I could but I just don't want to be that girl.  I am just patiently waiting until Wednesday when we go to the class. 

In the mean time I am looking forward to getting my hair trimmed!  It needs it so bad!  Plus, for Valentines day I am making Ben this chocolate chip cookie pie thing I found on Pinterest.  Basically, in a pie plate put a layer of your favorite choc. chip cookie dough, next put a layer of chocolate chips over it, and then finally another layer of choc. chip cookie dough!  Of course, once baked put  vanilla ice cream all over it!  I cannot wait!  I hope he likes it too!  Even though if he doesn't that means more for me! haha